Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.

Everyone loves Penn State football head coach James Franklin’s Twitter account. Between his iconic #WeAre tweets to his coveted happy birthday messages, the coach’s account really is a must-follow.

You may have previously thought Franklin’s happy birthday tweets were just for Penn State football’s players, coaches, and family members, but that’s all changing soon. Penn State Athletics announced Thursday that fans will soon be able to purchase birthday tweets from Franklin.

“Look, we really just need the money,” Vice President for Intercollegiate Athletics Sandy Barbour said in a statement. “The pandemic has been financially tough on our programs, and this seems like an easy stream of revenue to implement. Copy, paste, boom. It’s that simple.”

However, getting a birthday shoutout from Franklin will come at a price. Athletics doesn’t want just anyone to be able to get their name plastered to 250,000-plus people on Twitter. Tweets will start at $409, and you can add a picture of yourself to go with it for an extra $100. A one-time payment of $1,855 will get you a lifetime supply of tweets.

Here’s a mock up of what your tweet could look like:

The price for the tweets might seem high, but it’s a small price to pay for being a member of OUR FAMILY. Perhaps you could even have an NFT of your tweet and resell it to regain your initial investment!

While Athletics was quick to hop on this tweet idea, Franklin himself was a bit hesitant. Many folks think someone else does the happy birthday and 1-0 tweets for him, but he shot that rumor down.

“I singlehandedly type out every single one of my tweets, so this is birthday tweet thing is going to be a challenge for me,” Franklin said. “It’s true: I paused practice last year to type out Michigan 27 times on my phone and tweeted it out. We won, so it was worth it.”