Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.

Whether you like it or not, it’s time for a new era of Penn State hoops, folks.

As head coach Micah Shrewsberry gets set to lead the Nittany Lions, a few stars have reportedly entered the NCAA transfer portal and Penn State is still without any official recruits. Although Izaiah Brockington elected to stay in Happy Valley and Jamari Wheeler is headed to Ohio State, Shrewsberry’s got some work to do to flesh out his roster.

Luckily, Penn State’s head coach has found a few all-star hoopers in some out-of-work Looney Tunes. Shrewsberry officially welcomed six new student-athletes — Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Tweet Bird, Tasmanian Devil, Granny, and Sylvester — to Happy Valley this week in an under-the-radar press conference that Onward State snagged an invite to.

Although they’re a little rusty since balling out with Michael Jordan back in the late 90s, Bugs Bunny and the gang are already adjusting well to Penn State’s program.

“I gotta say, these guys really bring the energy,” Shrewsberry said. “Sure, their methods are a little unorthodox. But maybe that’s what this program needs after a few up-and-down years?”

The team’s newest Nittany Lions haven’t seen much action since they teamed up with Jordan, Bill Murray, and the rest of the Tune Squad to defeat the Monstars in the seminal 1996 film, “Space Jam.” However, Penn State’s current stars are finding it easy to get the newcomers involved on the court.

“It’s been easy getting them in on the action. Turns out, you pick up some pretty good ball skills when you play alongside MJ in his prime,” guard Sam Sessoms told Onward State. “Have you seen Granny’s tape? That lady can ball! Taz’s jumper is just filthy. These guys have great intangibles, stuff you can’t teach. I’ve never seen someone run the floor like Daffy Duck.”

I mean, just look at this glorious tape from the Tune Squad’s 1996 championship:

After a few practices and get-togethers with the team, the Looney Tunes gang received a proper tour around campus. They certainly liked what Penn State had to offer, although Tweety Bird had a minor panic attack when he “tawt [he] taw a puddy tat,” but that was just the Nittany Lion Shrine.

They also enrolled in classes already, although some were disappointed Penn State didn’t offer courses delving into ACME products, catching roadrunners, or the ins and outs of wabbit rabbit season.

Naturally, the Looney Tunes received a tour of the Bryce Jordan Center’s facilities and locker room, too. However, Shrewsberry said he was surprised at how few belongings they brought with them to State College.

“When we were setting them up with lockers, nobody had stuff to put in them. Everyone brought their ratty uniforms from the 90s, but that’s about it,” Shrewsberry said. “Bugs brought a lifetime supply of that Secret Stuff, but I’m pretty sure that’s just tap water, right? Isn’t there a whole scene about that?”

With a handful of looney new additions to the team, Vice President for Intercollegiate Athletics Sandy Barbour said she feels hopeful about the Nittany Lions’ future.

“Bugs Bunny and the gang are already proving to be valuable members of our community,” Barbour told Onward State in a statement. “When they’re not whacking each other with oversized hammers, they carry the University well. We’re excited to see how they can lead Nittany Nation to another successful season of Penn State Basketball.”