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When Nature Calls: What To Do When Bar Bathroom Lines Are Too Long

If you’ve ever needed to wait to use the bathroom at a bar before, chances are you’ve probably lost some years off of your life trying not to pee your pants.

Here in State College, bar bathroom lines seem to be painfully long at all the wrong times. The lack of stalls and working toilets sometimes makes it seem as though literally any other alternative would be quicker. So, we compiled some tips and tricks for what to do when nature calls at a time of utmost importance: when you’re drunk, need to pee, and want to get back on the dance floor ASAP.

Run To Sheetz

Depending on where you’re at downtown, this option is probably the most rationale of all the ones we’ve come up with. If you’re at a bar somewhere where there is no line to get in, but an insanely long bathroom line, your best option may be to just make a run for it to Sheetz to relieve yourself.

Bonus points are awarded to whatever bar you’re at if there isn’t a cover and you can just run back in like nothing happened. Especially on Wednesday nights at Gaffeoke, this option is foolproof. Trust me, I did this just last week.

Swap Bathroom Lines

This one goes out to all my female friends out there who stand there crossing their legs while watching men just leisurely waltz into the bathroom with no line.

If you’ve got enough guts (or maybe enough alcohol in your system) to be bold and jump on over to the men’s bathroom, by all means, go for it.

Bribe A Bouncer

If you’re willing to pay up, who’s to say that a bouncer or bartender won’t help you skip the bathroom line? We’d suggest this one only if you’re not past the point of intoxication that you could get potentially kicked out, because then, you may be setting yourself up for failure.

Cause A Scene

You’ve never seen true aggression if you haven’t seen what it’s like to be waiting in a bathroom line with a dozen other people all eager to get back on the dance floor. The truth is, if you’re someone who is using bar bathroom stalls as a social hour, be prepared to get heckled for it.

There’s no harm in kindly (or unkindly) reminding the people in front of you that you’re all there for one common goal: to use the bathroom and get the hell out. Sometimes, some yelling and screaming are all folks need to put a little extra pep in their step.

Keep Drinking

Now, you need to tread carefully with this one. Maybe you decide to sit back and try the bathroom line again later so you go and order a few more pitchers instead. However, we don’t suggest pushing yourself to the point where you’re so drunk you forget you need to go to the bathroom…and then disaster ensues when you pee your pants in the bar.

Exercise (AKA Dance)

Studies show that exercising can help reduce the urge to have to go to the bathroom (read: something about strengthening kegel muscles). While I doubt you’d like to lay down on the floor of Champs and start doing exercises, perhaps some good old-fashioned dancing can help you take your mind off of the urge to go.

Pee Your Pants

This comes last on our list because we’d like to assume this would be everyone’s last resort, but desperate times call for desperate measures. If all else fails, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. Let’s just hope your night isn’t forced to come to an early end because someone catches you pissing your pants.

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About the Author

Ryen Gailey

Ryen is a senior early childhood education major from "right outside of Philly" - or in exact words, from 23.0 miles outside of Philly. She loves all things Penn State and has been a huge Penn State gal since before she could walk. Send her pictures of puppies, or hate mail at [email protected]

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