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10 Questions With Penn State’s Milk Man

If you’ve attended a Penn State sporting event recently, there’s a chance you’ve seen some commotion in the stands. Maybe you’ve heard a series of “oohs” followed by a drowning chant of “Milk! Milk! Milk!” echoing throughout student sections around campus.

In the midst of the cheering, one may find a humble carton of milk, often with a pint of the calcium-rich drink in hand. Milk Man has slowly been making a name for himself on campus promoting lactose and sparking conversation on how drinking milk became so demonized.

We sat down with Milk Man to discuss his life, message, and passion for the popular breakfast beverage.

Courtesy of Noam Zaremba

Onward State: So tell us about yourself… What are you studying?

Milk Man: My name is Noam Zaremba. I am a freshman, and I am currently undecided.

OS: How did the dream of being milk come about?

MM: The milk actually came to me in a dream. I was asleep one night, and I was envisioning myself in a pasture. I look up, and I see the sky, and then I see metal surrounding me. Then I realize, “wait a minute, I’m in a bucket!” And then I was thinking, “in what scenario would I be in a bucket?” And I look a little bit to the left and see that there is a cow towering over me. Then I realize, “oh crap! I’m milk!” And I have just vacated my homeland (the cow). Ever since then, I kind of knew it was my destiny to be milk.

OS: What do you want to see milk become? What is your goal?

MM: The biggest thing in my entire movement is that I think that a lot of people disregard milk as a sufficient drink just to have by itself, and I think that’s unacceptable. It makes your bones strong and it tastes good. It has an incredible consistency if you know which milk to get. I think people really need to wake up, open their eyes, see the sunshine, and see the milk. It is important to not let the confines of society hold you back from enjoying the drinks you want to enjoy — especially for one that is so beneficial for your health in the long term.

OS: When do you decide to dress as milk? Do you ever want to take a break?

MM: I dress up for every sporting event I go to and the thing is, there are some days when I really don’t want to put the costume on. Because everyone looks at me and they just say, “got milk?” because they think it’s funny. But people are looking past the message. It’s always, “are you milk?” And not ever, “how is milk?” Sometimes it’s overwhelming. But, I’ve learned to deal with it. This is a cause that is much greater than myself. It’s a sacrifice I have to make to make the world a better place.

Courtesy of Noam Zaremba

OS: How does your body respond to the milk? Do you drink it every day?

MM: I drink it three times a day at every meal, and my bones have never been stronger. For my digestion, the world deserves to know. It is suffering horribly. I have to go to the doctor multiple times a week, and he’s telling me that the cons are starting to outweigh the pros, but I think he’s just another hater. I’m going to continue drinking milk and spreading my message.

OS: You told me earlier that you are 2% milk. What are your thoughts on chocolate or strawberry milk?

MM: I accept their presence, but I won’t actively promote drinking them. Their nutritional benefits are not as abundant as normal milk. The thing to recognize about those other sub-genres of milk is that they can be seen as almost a “gateway beverage.” If someone is uncomfortable with drinking milk, maybe suggest chocolate milk to get them started. Once they get comfortable, they can move on to 2%. It’s a step in the right direction.

OS: I heard that you were interested in connecting with the Berkey Creamery. Why?

MM: I would love a sponsorship with the Creamery. It would give the Creamery a friendly face. People walk into the creamery and think, “what ice cream flavor should I get?” That’s justified. Ice cream is delicious, but I need people to understand that it’s not the Penn State Ice Creamery, it’s the Penn State Creamery. Milk is foundational, and being a sponsor could bring more attention to the primary product.

Courtesy of Noam Zaremba

OS: What’s your expiration date?

MM: I’d rather not think about that. *Grabs tissues* It’s like staring at a teapot, waiting for it to boil, ya know? If you think about it, it’s just going to be worse. While, yes, I do know that it’s coming eventually, I think it’s just best to live my dairy life and when the time comes, the time comes.

OS: What do you want to tell people who might be afraid to drink milk or lost their taste for milk?

MM: Grow up.

OS: Per Onward State tradition, if you could be any dinosaur, which would it be and why?

MM: Velociraptor. It’s pretty cool. I’m a big velociraptor guy. Like in a pack of three of them.

If you want to follow milk on his journey and be up-to-date on his plans, follow Milk Man’s Instagram. And if you want to get to know the man behind the milk, follow Noam on his Instagram.

This interview has been lightly edited for quality and clarity.

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About the Author

Marie Moyer

Marie is a third-year student majoring in journalism and minoring in graphic design. She loves being fiscally irresponsible at local farmers markets, watching niche documentaries on HBO, and going to Penn State hockey games as "self-care." Normally you can find her on her laptop, probably away from natural sunlight, either on Adobe Illustrator or WordPress. You can reach her on Instagram - @_mariemoyer_ or send her suggestions (and cat photos) via her email - [email protected]

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