Happy spring semester, Penn Staters!

Now that we’re ~back on our bullshit~ (read: school), students and professors have been nothing less than feral this Sylly Week. We kept our ears open this week to see what kind of crazy things people were saying at the onset of the spring semester. Read on to see if you made the cut:

Everyone’s ~favorite~ SOC 119 professor: “I feel like I’m stoned every day.”

Individual fighting for their life after learning many peoples’ pipes burst over break: “Floor three is underwater, apparently.”

BMB professor that takes his job a little too seriously: “I have connected the history of the Nobel Peace Prize, the history of World War I, mustard gas, and nitrogen fixation, and tied it all back to biochemistry. But that won’t be on the test.”

Professor teaching in the soggy, humid lecture hall that is Thomas 100: “Welcome to Hell.”

TA who casually brought up rat euthanization: “So this semester you’ll be performing rat surgery.”

Professor who wants the token Republican boy to like him: “I’m the biggest patriot ever. There is no one else who is more patriotic.”

Instructor who doesn’t want to get canceled: “Woody Allen said that, but I can’t show you a slide with Woody Allen. And we all know why.”

Roommate who got a little too silly during Sylly Week: “Oh, hi, how are you? I didn’t see you come in last night ’cause I was throwing up in the sink.”

Professor who appreciates Penn State’s unity that is tailgating culture: “Up next to the Temple, Beaver Stadium…”

Person who failed one too many times at their New Years Resolution: “For my New Year’s Resolution, I decided to gain weight and drink more so that I can succeed all year long.”

Professor who is so out of touch with reality that he thinks students are drunk at 3 p.m.: “For those of you that are sober enough to tell me what’s going on…”

Booze and Culture instructor who can’t comprehend why Penn Staters drink so much Crown Russe: “I tried to find out what’s in Crown Russe, and there’s nothing out there.”