In one of the most exciting events of the year, undergraduate students recently gathered in Alumni Hall to present their research projects in the annual Undergraduate Research Exhibition. While most of the poster titles were self-explanatory (to someone with a Ph.D.), others required a few context clues.

Luckily for you, we here at Onward State are providing that completely accurate context that you all are looking for.

“Investigating correlation between the boldness of Coenobita compressus to size and beach disturbance”

Of course! Coenobita compressus — that’s our favorite. Upon a first read, the word “beach” stands out. Truthfully, Coenobita compressus sounds like the name of an organism but could be anything from a bacteria to a fish to a little mollusk.

The use of the term “boldness” is slightly confusing, considering that term is usually associated with colors or personalities. Maybe the author of this project investigated how aggressive the organism was in terms of competition with others. The size and beach disturbance factors are just there for a little challenge.

“The Impacts and Perceptions of Names Given to a Service Robot”

This research project is absolutely fascinating. First of all, what’s a service robot? Maybe it fixes things, provides a manual service, or works in stores and restaurants as a customer service representative. Regardless, assigning a name to a robot would probably make anybody happy.

“The Gathering Number of a Graph and Vertex Degrees”

Graph? Vertex degrees? This one just screams math. We barely made it through MATH 140 and 141, and you’re telling us someone chose to keep doing that? Like, for their entire life? We’re sending our thoughts to this person.

“Investigating the Microstructure Dependence on Part Thickness in Binder Jet Printed Stainless Steel Using Ultrasonic Testing”

Most people know these words by themselves, but strung together, it reads like Latin. Binder jet printed stainless steel seems like it could be related to 3D printing, but what the hell is a binder jet, and how does it print things? Our best guess for this one is that, in the most basic terms, they’re testing the strength of a certain type of stainless steel.

“Exploring Radio Telemetry as a Tool to Locate Cryptic Purseweb Spiders”

Radio telemetry is a bit above our pay grade ($0), but it sounds like something in the vein of echolocation, which is pretty cool. However, the usage is concerning. It seems unnecessary to try and locate spiders, especially when they have “cryptic” in their name. They probably don’t want to be found.

“Remote Control Self-Driving Robocar”

This research project seems a little oxymoronic. How can a robocar be both self-driving and remote control? We would like a live demonstration, please.

“HETDEX-LOFAR Spectroscopic Redshift Catalog”

The only word that means anything to us here is “spectroscopic,” and it brings back traumatic memories of organic chemistry. Despite our familiarity with spectroscopy, the abbreviated programs or methodologies are going way over our head, and likely everyone else’s. A shot in the dark and a gut instinct is leading us to chemical engineering.