Last week, we asked you to share your most embarrassing, funny, and messy kicked-out-of-a-bar stories, and you folks came through. Whether it happened last week or a few decades ago, your stories checked all the boxes.

We compiled a few of our favorite responses for the first installment of this year’s series.

Will: Champs

Will was having what he thought was a normal Friday night at Champs when everything went downhill. He was a few drinks in and chatting with people near the pool tables when an employee suddenly asked him to leave. After Will confusedly asked why, the Champs employee revealed that there had been several complaints about his hygiene! Embarrassed, Will took the L and left the bar without a fuss.

“I literally got kicked out of a college bar for smelling bad,” Will said. “Awesome!”

Liz: The Phyrst

The Phyrst is a classic spot for Penn Staters to ring in their first night of legal drinking. Liz, an alum from the Class of 2019, had a blur of a 21st birthday at the bar. While she may not remember the night, the story her friends tell her about it is the stuff of legends. Allegedly, she got very drunk and very hungry, compelling her to eat an entire tray of fries…off of a nearby stranger’s table.

“I woke up with a purse full of fries,” Liz recounted.

Michelle: Pickle’s

One Halloween, Michelle and her roommate had a genius costume idea: Dick-In-A-Box. Despite the creativity, the costume was the cause of their inevitable exit from the bar. First, Michelle got drunk enough to shed the box part of her costume and swing it around like a rally towel.

“I must have hit like 3 or 4 people with the box,” she said.

Michelle was lucky enough to get off with a warning for her box-swinging offense, but what really doomed her was her weak stomach. After discreetly gracing the Pickle’s bathroom with the consequences of the drinks she’d had, a bouncer asked Michelle to leave. As it turns out, her drawn-on goatee had been smeared post-puke and was a dead giveaway that she wasn’t feeling so good. Thankfully, her box made it home with her!

Carissa: Lion’s Den

The Den had never been Carissa’s favorite bar, and her method of compensating for that was to drink enough to forget everything she hated about the place. When you’re really, really, really drunk, bathroom shenanigans seem like peak comedy.

During a senior bar crawl in 2003, Carissa’s friend group was determined to get a photo of their friend on the toilet. The group swung the bathroom stall door open, and Carissa’s friend grabbed the poster on the inside of the door in an attempt to preserve her privacy. The poster, which happened to be a tampon advertisement, was ripped off the door, and Carissa deemed it a perfect memento from the night. Her plan to take it home was foiled when she not-so-stealthily brought the “oversized, Tampax-themed prize” to the patio to grab later, and the group was escorted out.

Cam: Cafe 210 West

Cam stopped into Cafe at the end of a bar crawl for 55 Days. He ordered a glass of water and proceeded to drunkenly pour the drink all over himself, which got him kicked out of the bar after spending a total of five minutes there. Stay hydrated, folks!

Ian: Pickle’s

Ian and his friends were well into a long day of bar hopping when Ian decided laying in bed sounded more appealing than buying another drink. There’s nothing more shameful than being the first person to call it night, though, so Ian devised a plan to avoid the ridicule from his friends. Ian asked a bouncer to kick him out on purpose (after he downed the rest of his drink, of course), and the bouncer was hyped to help out. After putting on a dramatic and convincing performance, the two celebrated their acting chops outside the bar by dapping each other up.

“When you’re thinking of Irish-exiting and don’t want to face the backlash, do what I did,” Ian advised.

Kevin: The Phyrst

Kevin claims to hold the world record for the earliest kick-out of a bar in Penn State history, and he just might have a case. On State Patty’s Day in 2013, Kevin got a bright and early boot from The Phyrst at 7:15 a.m. For what, you might ask? He started Irish dancing!

Ron: Doggie’s

Ron, a 2021 graduate, was caught peeing on the floor of the Doggie’s bathroom next to the toilet. That’s it –that’s the story.

“A bouncer accused me of doing it on purpose,” Ron explained. “I don’t think I did, but who’s to say?”