Penn State has it all. A classic building that embodies higher education in Old Main, multiple, top-of-the-line campus recreation buildings, a 107,000-seat football stadium, and a really nice student union building that almost feels like a mall or airport terminal in the HUB.

We have that perfect college town and campus mix. There are golf courses. There are five housing districts. There’s even a building that doubles as a bridge. We have it all! Right?

Wrong. What are all great cities built around? What is the foundation of human life? What is the most common element of most peoples’ vacations? What is Bobby Boucher most passionate about? Water. That is what Penn State’s campus is missing: a great body of water.

If you know the campus, then you know there is a pond at the Hintz Alumni Center. Not big enough. There are also a couple of ponds at the Arboretum. Again, not big enough and too far away. Penn State needs a body of water on campus that people can stare off into and question their whole lives after failing a midterm. In no way is Penn State a dead campus, but I believe that a body of water somewhere on campus would bring even more life to the community.

I don’t have the slightest clue regarding who would be in charge of installing a pond on campus or deciding where to place it. So, I made up a fictitious group: the Pond Placement Committee. To help assist this made-up group, I compiled a few areas where I think a nice, thick pond would look lovely on campus.

HUB Lawn

HUB Lawn is where the majority of students hang out. I guess that’s why it’s called a student union building. So, if we want the highest engagement with our body of water, then the best place to put it is HUB Lawn.

Unfortunately, the Involvement Fair might need to move, but I would personally much rather have a scenic pond over the Involvement Fair on HUB Lawn.

Millennium Science Complex

I don’t spend much time here myself, but the way the Millennium Science Complex is oriented is perfect for a nice, fat pond. Maybe all of the science people could do some science stuff with the new pond, too.

Old Main Lawn

It’s iconic. It’s quintessential to the university. It’s…better with a pond in front of it. Now, this isn’t just your everyday pond. This one is an oval with a beautiful fountain in the middle. The flag poles will need to be relocated, however, all those photos of Old Main just cranked it up a notch with this beauty out front.

Pattee Mall

Pattee Mall is already so peaceful and majestic, but imagine if the whole mall was a water feature. No longer would you have to stare at grass while you walk to the library to study for hours on end, you could be motivated and inspired by the subtle movement of water.

Beaver Stadium

So, this one isn’t exactly a pond. It’s also quite far from central campus. Nonetheless, imagine if the field at Beaver Stadium was a gigantic body of water when it’s not football season.

We would need to open Beaver Stadium to the public year-round and figure out how to transition from a football field to a giant aquarium, but I think it’s worth it. If you look closer, this body of water has a killer whale. This is a surefire way to bring plenty of enjoyment to the community without any added controversy!

Business Building Lawn

The Business Building Lawn is a wide open space where barely anything ever happens except the occasional luncheon under a tent or fly-fishing class. No one really plays any games there. No one really lays out there. It’s just a wide open space with no good use.

Pond. Boom. Also, it would be very scenic when folks are driving down Park Ave. on the way to their tailgate lots.

Do the right thing, Pond Placement Committee.