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Things Less Scary Than The Penn State Hawk

If you’ve been on campus in the past few weeks, or maybe even years, there’s a good chance you’ve encountered one of the many Penn State hawks.

Several of our staffers recounted recent treacherous experiences with the Penn State hawk, including close-call flybys or witnessing the loss of a beloved furry campus friend. So watch out on your way to class, folks, there might be a hawk out there watching you like prey.

If you have yet to run into the Penn State hawk, be wary on your next trip down Pollock Road or walk to the HUB, the predatorial bird is always near. So, to give the Penn State hawk some perspective, we compiled a list of things less scary than the frightening fowl.

Penn State Football Losing To UMass

Penn State will host UMass this Saturday in its 103rd Homecoming game. The undefeated Nittany Lions come into the game ranked No. 6 in the country, while UMass has just one win through seven games.

Penn State is favored in this matchup by 41.5 points, so it’s not expected to be a close game. With huge contests against Ohio State and Michigan quickly approaching, it would be absolutely terrifying to drop a game this weekend to the struggling Minutemen. However, suffering a loss this weekend would be nothing compared to an encounter with the hawk.

A Bar On The Friday Before White Out

The Greatest Show in College Sports.

In an electric 31-0 victory over the then-undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes, this year’s White Out game featured the second-largest crowd in Penn State history with 110,830 fans.

With that, tons of people came to State College the night before and most went out to downtown’s numerous bars. This meant over $50 LineLeaps or three hours of waiting in line. Though this experience was frightening, waiting in line is much better than being carried away by a hawk.

Asking James Franklin To Throw More Deep Balls

During James Franklin’s press conference on Tuesday, one reporter asked the head coach if he’d ever opt to draw a play that would allow the quarterback to release a deep ball downfield and see how the play takes place regardless of whether receivers are open or not.

Franklin grew “uncomfortable” with the question to the point he said his “skin was curling.” He stated he has never and would never tell his quarterback to throw the ball deep just to take those shots.

Although you wouldn’t want to get in the way of an angry Franklin, it would still be better than duking it out with a hawk.

Realizing You Had Homework Due At The Start Of Class

We’ve all been there. You walk into class fully expecting it to be just like all the others, and then the professor starts class and mentions the assignment that most of you turned in the night before. You, having completely forgotten about that assignment, were one of the few kids that hadn’t turned it in.

Sure, this is a horrifying experience and your grade might suffer because of it, but not nearly as bad as getting hit by a hawk.


Look out! Applebee’s brought back its $1 margaritas, better known as the Dollarita. Between these and a couple of appetizers, this is a bad idea just waiting to happen.

Walking to your 8 a.m. after a night of chugging Dollaritas might feel like the worst experience ever, but just wait until a hawk snatches your coffee right out of your hand. Talk about terrifying.


You’re finally getting used to balancing your class schedule, football games, and getting enough sleep at night. Then midterms roll around. A series of frantic questions might run through your mind. Is the exam at the Pollock Testing Center? Is it cumulative? Have you even been taking notes? A living nightmare, one might say.

Still, sharp talons and an even sharper beak are way scarier than an exam that’s worth 20% of your grade.

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About the Author

Brady Miller

Brady is a senior public relations major who originates from the cornfields of Schuylkill County, PA. He spends most of his time watching the Philadelphia Phillies blow leads and the New England Patriots struggle to score points. When not watching sports, Brady is most likely "studying" or with his friends. Follow him on Twitter @_bMiLL_32 to see mostly retweets of whatever is going through Marlon Humphrey's head, or you can email him at [email protected].

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