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Hypothetical Penn State Significant Others To Lie About At Thanksgiving Dinner

Nothing’s better than heading home for Thanksgiving.

You finally get a break from school, see some friends from high school, eat a ton of food, and get to see all of your family. Everything is just fine and dandy. But then… the infamous question gets asked by that pain-in-the-ass aunt. “So, is there anyone special in your life?” It’s like a dagger to the heart for those of us who are relationship-challenged. It’s a somewhat kinder way of saying, “Hey, are you still sad and lonely?” 

If you’re reading this, chances are that your answer to this question will be, “No, I am not seeing anyone. Yes, I am still sad and lonely.” Now you’re in a little bit of a pickle. You’re in store for another holiday of Gam Gam and Aunt Jill looking down on you and being disappointed in how pathetic you are. Gam Gam could be dead next year! Is she ever going to see the day when her grandson or granddaughter finds love at Penn State? To help you from looking sadder than that dead turkey with your mom’s arm up its ass, we’ve created a fake significant other for you to lie to your family about. You’re welcome.

Is this wrong? Yeah, probably. Might it help to preserve some of your dignity around the dinner table? We think there’s a good chance. So, here’s a hypothetical Penn State girlfriend and a hypothetical Penn State boyfriend for you to use this Thanksgiving when PaPa Frank starts to get nosey about your nonexistent love life.

Elizabeth “Lizzy” Thompson

Oh, Lizzy. You’re so fine.

What’s her name?

Although her full name is Elizabeth Rose Thompson, most people just call her “Liz.” Do you just refer to her as “Liz?” No, of course not. You’re in love, so you have a special nickname for her — Lizzy. You were never much of a creative person, but she likes that you call her something that no one else really does.

What year is she?

She’s in the same grade as you. (That means if you’re a sophomore, so is she. If you’re a senior, so is she.)

What is she studying?

Lizzy is in the Ross and Carol Nese College of Nursing. She’s always been passionate about helping others, and her mom is a nurse, too. It’s the perfect fit for her, and she loves it a lot. Lizzy is also minoring in psychology mainly because the subject is something that interests her a lot.

Where is she from?

Lizzy was actually born in Lincoln, Nebraska. However, at the age of three, her family moved to the Harrisburg area for Mr. Thompson’s new job. Her family has lived there ever since.

How did you guys meet?

Waiting in line for a chicken basket at THON last year, there was this beautiful girl standing in front of you laughing with her friends about some silly image of Lizzy. You see, Lizzy is very passionate about THON. She is very involved with Atlas, and outside of school, it’s what takes up most of her time. Anyway, while her friends and she were laughing, they turned around to you and asked for your opinion on the photo. It was a photo of Lizzy awkwardly doing the line dance for the first time. You laughed and made some joke because you’re a hilarious person. Good thing for you and your love life, the line for chicken baskets was really long. You kept talking with Lizzy in line for 15 minutes.

Once you guys got to the front, you worked up the courage to ask for her number. She obliged and asked, “Are you going to be at the BJC all weekend?” You actually planned on leaving in a couple of hours, but because you were so love-struck, you answered, “Yep!” She replied, “Text me what you’re up to later, and let’s meet up.” That’s exactly what you did. You ended up staying at the Bryce Jordan Center for the rest of THON and spent about 16 hours with this new girl.

You guys kept in contact after THON. Everything was looking good. But then, summer hit. The talking kind of fizzled out. It didn’t look like anything was going anywhere. However, when you came back to campus, you saw her walking to class and said hi. Everything kind of reignited from there, and you two love birds were dating within a couple of weeks. October 3, to be exact.

Can we see a picture of her?

My phone is actually broken and won’t be fixed until after Thanksgiving. Sorry.

Noah Miller

What is his name?

His full name is Noah Bonaparte Miller, and everyone just calls him “Noah.” However, you refer to him as “B.” He is your “B,” and you guys “B” falling in love.

What year is he?

He’s a senior by credits. He has only actually been at Penn State for three years, but he took a lot of summer courses and transferred in a bunch of credits so he could graduate early.

What is he studying?

B is an accounting major in the Smeal College of Business. He had a pretty awesome internship with Ernst & Young (EY) in New York this past summer. That’s actually where he plans to go back to at the end of the school year because they offered him a full-time job. Slay B.

Where is he from?

Noah Baby hails from the great state of Texas, the Austin area. Now, when you say this, everyone is going to be like, “Well why did he come up to the cold weather of Pennsylvania.” B is a legacy, baby. His great-grandfather, grandfather, and father are all Penn State alumni. Noah was destined to join the “We Are” family since the day he came out of the womb. As a matter of fact, he didn’t even apply anywhere else.

How did you guys meet?

You two love birds sat next to each other in CAS 100 in the Thomas Building on the first day of school this semester. On the first day, you just sat by him because it was the only seat available. But on the second day, you sat by him because you wanted to. He was a cute guy, but pretty quiet. Nonetheless, each day that you came into class, he got more and more comfortable speaking to you. Before you knew it, you were looking forward to going to that class because it meant you got to see Noah.

During the third week of class, you finally asked for his phone number. If you didn’t ask, he might have never asked you because, again, Noah is a pretty shy kid. It started out just talking about class, but there were more and more “non-educational” conversations happening every day.

By the fifth week of classes, Noah finally asked you to hang out. You two did homework together in the HUB. It was then that you realized you liked the kid. He was quiet, but a sweetheart. He didn’t say much until you got to know him, then he wouldn’t shut up. After that little homework date, it became clear he was pretty interested in you as well.

That night, the shy guy Noah shot his shot. He asked to get dinner later that week. The two of you went to Fed Tap on your first real “date” and the rest is history.

Can we see a picture of him?

I actually don’t have any pictures of or with him because every minute we spend together is spent being in the moment. I am so wildly in love with this boy that I don’t even think to touch my phone when he is around.

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About the Author

Rico Gore

Rico is a senior advertising major from Pittsburgh who has been with Onward State since just a couple weeks into his freshman year. He loves to drink Diet Coke and eat Mexican food. You can follow Rico on Instagram @RealBigRico and TikTok @RealBigRico.

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