Ah, it’s the most wonderful time of the year — the beginning of a new semester. As thousands of students meet new friends and professors and catch up with old pals, there are bound to be some interesting conversations held this week.

As we learned our new paths to class and interacted with new instructors, we kept our ears open for some interesting quotes. Per usual, eavesdropping didn’t disappoint.

Guy who has really low standards, on Tuesday: “This has been a top-two day of my semester so far, no doubt.”

Professor who absolutely doesn’t care about their students: “If you break your legs and are out for five weeks, I will fail you.”

Professor who also doesn’t care but in a different way: “Come to class, don’t come. I don’t really care.”

That same professor, two days later: “Plagiarism is OK.”

A group project that will be regretting its decisions in a few weeks: “Do we want that in writing?” “Hmm. No, I’ll figure it out.”

Professor who needs to learn to shake it off: “I wish Taylor Swift would swiftly depart.”

Student who is utterly over it before things have even begun: *snoring*

Psych 120N professor looking for a little extra validation: “Do I have rizz?”

A media law professor obsessed with the moral implications of running over a small dog, a child, or the last remaining polar bear on earth: “What if I’m driving on the sidewalk with a bag over my head and I hit your dog?”

Honorable mention to the group of people in the Willard Building who spent half an hour planning their friend’s rise to the presidency. To protect the mission, we will not share the details.