We are almost there, folks. The anticipation is building as State Patty’s is among us.

Even though we assume you know what to do and not do, there will still be a handful of people who don’t listen. There ought to be an asshole or two this weekend, so here is a guide to help identify them from their behavior, so you know to stay far away.

If you’re still reading, yes, you, don’t do these.

Shoving Past People

It is inevitable. You will come into contact with that one asshole who thinks it’s their world and we’re just living in it. Being drunk is unfortunately not an excuse, and manners apply 24/7. In this case, take a deep breath, tell your friend that person is an asshole, and continue on with your festivities.

Crossing The Street Without Looking

In today’s world, this happens every day. People have their noses buried into their phones and almost lose their lives because they’re crossing College Ave without looking. Don’t be this person. They are a certified asshole. If you see somebody about to cross, pull them back. If you’re lucky, somebody driving will honk and knock a little sense into them.

Screaming Over Others At The Bar

First, why are you screaming? Second, our State College bartenders are always doing more than they are required to. You screaming in their face for another drink is only going to get you kicked out. Have manners in the bar and wait your turn for a drink. An apology to the people you’re spitting on might also go a long way.

Bashing People For Not Going Out

State Patty’s isn’t for everyone, and that is okay. If you have that friend who prefers to stay in this weekend, don’t bash them, because then you’re an asshole. Let them do their thing, and you can do yours. It’s not the end of the world.

Vomiting

No, you’re not an asshole if you vomit. It’s not like you wanted to. You are an asshole if you vomit anywhere but inside a trashcan. This means the sidewalk, next to the trashcan, in front of a police officer, in a sink, in the Uber, and on yourself are not excused. Drink responsibly so you’re not the asshole!

Public Urination

There is no explanation here. Pee in the toilet. Nowhere else is acceptable.

Wearing A Green THON Shirt

Please, don’t do this. You are the ultimate asshole if you wear something THON-related at State Patty’s. Keep the two separate. Thanks.

Feeling Up On People When They Aren’t Feeling It

You’re an asshole if you do this. Signs are usually pretty clear. If somebody isn’t feeling you, don’t continue to feel them back. State Patty’s is usually the day of luck, so maybe you’ll get lucky eventually, just not then. Don’t be an asshole.

Doing Illegal Shit To Impress Others

Don’t do this. State College police will be everywhere this weekend, and getting arrested isn’t worth it. You’re not cool. The worst part is when you get arrested, people will know you’re an asshole, and that might be even worse. Make good decisions and don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.

Starting Fights Or Arguments

Sometimes it’s okay to argue something out, especially if it is “argument-worthy.” Starting an argument because somebody accidentally knocked into you and apologized isn’t funny or cool. You’re just an asshole. Stay away from people like this, or you might get yelled at next.

Don’t be an asshole this weekend, folks. Enjoy State Patty’s!