It’s that time of year again, where for whatever reason, the extremely weather-appropriate demographic at Penn State celebrates the slightly less than warm weather. We just have to admit it and realize there is no use in denying: it’s SNUGG season, everyone. Spandex, North Face, and UGGs: these have become the obligatory novelty that no one seems to point out, despite its ubiquity ad nauseam. There is no coincidence that UGG is also a self-referencing onomatopoeia for those of us who just can’t deal with this ridiculous trend anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really care what people wear. It’s the frequency that I see girls wearing this exact outfit that bothers me. And it’s not just how often I see that bothers me, it’s really why I see it so often that does. It has become a fashionable way to dress down.  Which doesn’t make any sense. Am I right? I’m not alone, right? Fashionable way to dress…down? Anyway, I ask plenty of girls why they wear SNUGG, and usually I get something like this:

“It’s so comfortable!”

“That’s not nice, I’m just wearing this because it’s comfortable!” (this wasn’t really a question.)

“Oh no, I woke up late and didn’t feel like dressing up!”

Before I go any further, I think it’s important to mention that I tried SNUGG after a social last night. I’ll admit it, SNUGG is comfortable. I liked having those UGGs on, I felt empowered to walk aimlessly with purpose. People must have wondered:

“Man, where is Chad going? Is he an Eskimo going to the gym? Did he just wake up? Is he cold? How could he possibly woken up so late and still had time to pull back his hair into a bun and do his makeup?”

I realized instantly with this outfit, despite the fact that I’m a dude, that everyone was left wondering “Why the fuck does anyone wear Spandex, UGGs, and North Face.” I was in, I was SNUGG, I finally belonged somewhere. And that’s when it hit me. If girls wanted to be comfortable, they’d wear Croc sandals with colorful mismatched socks, sweatpants, their varsity volleyball sweatshirt and the oldest shirt they own. Not an expensive North Face jacket, designer spandex, and UGGs.

Wearing SNUGG has nothing to do with utilitarian comfort, but a form of gaining attention.  These Machiavellian succubi will go at all costs to leave anyone, even the likes of me, wondering about them. It’s really a critique of the status quo for SNUGGers, and that is in itself is enough punishment. I can’t imagine lacking any genuine qualities, where without dressing outrageously I would otherwise be unable to satisfy my need for attention.

I’ll admit it, though, despite the fact I can tell anyone wearing SNUGG might lack any redeeming social qualities, they understand the psychology of entrapment. And I applaud that. The women who know they are rocking the outfit, really do rock the outfit. And with that comes control:

“Uh, this is super comfortable, so don’t stare at my ass. I couldn’t have possibly worn anything else less revealing this morning. Oh, and these boots? No, they’re not baby seals, they’re UGGs.”

Boom.

They can wear this outfit, claim it as comfort, and get mad when any guy stares.  It’s like corporate tax loopholes, but in this case, college student girls wearing borderline inappropriate clothing at any time. GENIUS! 

After my firsthand experience with SNUGG, and some circular dialog with my bros, I’ve decided that it’s not a really big deal.

One: because if I let it become a big deal I’d only be securing the perpetuation of SNUGG by giving it the attention it needs. In fact, I’m going to ruin SNUGG by wearing it on campus eventually. (I mean that).

And two: Spandex. If I’m the guy that argues spandex away and wins, I wouldn’t be allowed to show my face on campus.

“Oh no girls wear spandex and annoying boots! Boo! I’m unhappy!” Yeah. No.

I will be fair, it was seriously comfortable. For anyone who enjoys this outfit, I would be a liar if I said otherwise. Funny note though, to get that outfit I had to hookah with some hipsters. I’m totally not joking.