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The People Have Spoken

When we were up for Best Alternative News Source of 2008 by U.S. News & World Report’s Paper Trail Blog, I made a desperate move – offering one “Mark Act of Shame” in exchange for an improbable late surge.

All of you made that happen, so in exchange, I made good on my offer and we opened up polls to decide just what exactly I’d have to do to show how much all of us at Onward State wanted this win.

The votes are in, and the winner is:

Show up to a crowded lecture class as Green Man, and only leave when the class ends or the professor confronts me.

Green Man was the popular choice throughout the entire voting process, and held strong with nearly half the votes. The erotic misadventures of Graham Spanier came in at a respectable second place, and (understandably) less than 25 people had a desire to see me vomit.

Now that my fate has been decided, we’re going to enact this Mark-Act-Of-Shame in the way that best facilitates the enjoyment of the reader. Because you are the reason that I can celebrate a great award by making an ass of myself. Green Man is really Evan’s schtick, so hopefully he will let me borrow his suit.  If not, I will have to make one myself. I guess I could knit it or something. Look for the final product a few weeks down the road.

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About the Author


Mark McColey is a Senior majoring in Advertising and Labor-Employment relations. Among his loves are Penn State Football, The Steelers, The Penguins, The Simpsons, Tina Fey, and Arrested Development.

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Gorman Abruptly Resigns

Head coach of the men’s soccer program Barry Gorman unexpectedly announced his resignation Monday. He leaves a legacy of 22 years of coaching and three Big Ten titles in his wake. Citing “personal reasons,” he has left the team to a nation-wide search for his successor.

“We expected Gorman to be there,” [rising Senior and Co-Captain Andres] Casais said of next season. “He was a father figure to us.”

Oof, that can’t feel good. The move isn’t completely out of the blue, as Gorman was periodically absent during the past few weeks without notice. But from all accounts, his intention to resign was only revealed yesterday. On the abandonment scale, this registers just slightly above “going to the store for some cigarettes and never coming back.”

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