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The People Have Spoken

When we were up for Best Alternative News Source of 2008 by U.S. News & World Report’s Paper Trail Blog, I made a desperate move – offering one “Mark Act of Shame” in exchange for an improbable late surge.

All of you made that happen, so in exchange, I made good on my offer and we opened up polls to decide just what exactly I’d have to do to show how much all of us at Onward State wanted this win.

The votes are in, and the winner is:

Show up to a crowded lecture class as Green Man, and only leave when the class ends or the professor confronts me.

Green Man was the popular choice throughout the entire voting process, and held strong with nearly half the votes. The erotic misadventures of Graham Spanier came in at a respectable second place, and (understandably) less than 25 people had a desire to see me vomit.

Now that my fate has been decided, we’re going to enact this Mark-Act-Of-Shame in the way that best facilitates the enjoyment of the reader. Because you are the reason that I can celebrate a great award by making an ass of myself. Green Man is really Evan’s schtick, so hopefully he will let me borrow his suit.  If not, I will have to make one myself. I guess I could knit it or something. Look for the final product a few weeks down the road.

About the Author

Mark

Mark McColey is a Senior majoring in Advertising and Labor-Employment relations. Among his loves are Penn State Football, The Steelers, The Penguins, The Simpsons, Tina Fey, and Arrested Development.

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More by Mark

Gorman Abruptly Resigns

Head coach of the men’s soccer program Barry Gorman unexpectedly announced his resignation Monday. He leaves a legacy of 22 years of coaching and three Big Ten titles in his wake. Citing “personal reasons,” he has left the team to a nation-wide search for his successor.

“We expected Gorman to be there,” [rising Senior and Co-Captain Andres] Casais said of next season. “He was a father figure to us.”



Oof, that can’t feel good. The move isn’t completely out of the blue, as Gorman was periodically absent during the past few weeks without notice. But from all accounts, his intention to resign was only revealed yesterday. On the abandonment scale, this registers just slightly above “going to the store for some cigarettes and never coming back.”

EVERYBODY PANIC: Battle Submits For NBA Draft

Twisted Humor Comedy Tour to Visit Alumni Hall

Athletics

Tony Carr Experienced ‘Greatest Feeling Of His Life’ At NBA Draft

“Just to be able to hear my name called at the NBA Draft, it’s just a dream come true.” Penn State men’s basketball guard has reached the pinnacle of the sport — entering the NBA pro ranks after getting drafted Thursday night in Brooklyn by the New Orleans Pelicans. Carr, who had to wait around […]

Pelicans GM Excited To Bring In ‘Crafty’ Tony Carr

[VIDEO] New Orleans Pelicans Select Tony Carr In 2018 NBA Draft

Tony Carr First Nittany Lion Selected In NBA Draft Since 1999

Bundling Student Tickets And Offering Options: What Penn State Can Learn

Student Life

Student Farm To Commemorate Summer Solstice With Second Annual Celebration

Penn State’s Student Farm will celebrate the longest day of the year with tours and live music Thursday evening.

Penn State Love Stories: A Chance Meeting At Beaver Stadium

Virtual Reality: Changing The Game At Penn State

Plans Submitted For New KFC In State College

Developers have submitted preliminary land development plans to build a new KFC restaurant at 1780 S. Atherton St. in State College.

Tony Carr First Nittany Lion Selected In NBA Draft Since 1999

He averaged 19.6 points and five assists per game in the 2017-18 slate — leading Penn State to an NIT title in its first postseason berth since a CBI appearance in 2014.

McLanahan’s Self-Serve Beer Taps Open For Business

Carry-out beer will be available in the coming weeks in coolers along the south side of the store.

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