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BREAKING NEWS: Penn State Students Drink

beerAccording to analysis in several fields by the top brain surgeons, nuclear physicists, and aerospace engineers in the greater Centre County area, as well as the expert reporting of the Collegian and Penn State Live, it has been determined with almost perfect precision that students at the Pennsylvania State University drink often and in vast quantities. Penn State Live had this to say about the stats:

The number of Penn State student visits to the Mount Nittany Medical Center emergency department for alcohol-related treatment hit a record high in calendar year 2008, with 558 students receiving medical help.

In 2005, 304 students made alcohol-related visits, an 84 percent increase in three years.

Not only are more students being treated, their average blood alcohol level continues to increase as well, rising from 0.234 percent in 2005 to 0.252 percent last year. The legal limit in Pennsylvania for driving under the influence, sometimes used as a benchmark for intoxication, is 0.080 percent.

This clearly comes as a great surprise to everyone, especially the underage students who must have no idea what this “alcohol phenomenon” is about. Check back next week for shocking reports about football being popular and the prominence of “blue and white” on campus.

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About the Author

Evan Kalikow

Evan Kalikow co-founded Onward State in November 2008 with Davis Shaver and Eli Glazier. Having previously served as a Writer, Editor, Standards Editor, and Community Manager, Evan is now a proud alumnus of both Onward State and Penn State. He was also named "Person of the Year" by Time Magazine in 2006.

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