BREAKING NEWS: Penn State Students Drink
According to analysis in several fields by the top brain surgeons, nuclear physicists, and aerospace engineers in the greater Centre County area, as well as the expert reporting of the Collegian and Penn State Live, it has been determined with almost perfect precision that students at the Pennsylvania State University drink often and in vast quantities. Penn State Live had this to say about the stats:
The number of Penn State student visits to the Mount Nittany Medical Center emergency department for alcohol-related treatment hit a record high in calendar year 2008, with 558 students receiving medical help.
In 2005, 304 students made alcohol-related visits, an 84 percent increase in three years.
Not only are more students being treated, their average blood alcohol level continues to increase as well, rising from 0.234 percent in 2005 to 0.252 percent last year. The legal limit in Pennsylvania for driving under the influence, sometimes used as a benchmark for intoxication, is 0.080 percent.
This clearly comes as a great surprise to everyone, especially the underage students who must have no idea what this “alcohol phenomenon” is about. Check back next week for shocking reports about football being popular and the prominence of “blue and white” on campus.
[Photo courtesy of flickr.com]
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All in all, it’s important to remember that there’s really no such thing as bad dancer mail.
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