Now, I wouldn’t exactly call the Trojan Sexual Health Report Card a scientific study of the sexual health of our nation’s universities and colleges. But, I am not one to let a little fact like that get in the way of my sense of (obsession with?) competition. That’s why I was aghast when I noticed that Penn State had dropped from a clean-as-a-whistle 14th place to a that-Lion-gets-around 18th.

Now, I realize that there is no going up against some of the top-spot universities. I mean, the number one spot is held by the South Carolina Gamecocks, and there is no way we can stand up to a team with a walking innuendo as a mascot. However, we aren’t even the top of the Big 10: Michigan State (7th), Michigan (13th) and Illinois (14th) all bested us in the Report Card.

The rankings are based upon a variety of criteria including condom availability and cost, HIV testing, cost and locality (on- vs. off-campus), and student opinion of health centers. Those are some important factors that need to be present at all Universities. So, while 18th out of 141 is pretty darn good, I say we use our competitive nature to jump to the top of the Big 10 in sexual health.

(P.S.: The bottom five schools are Catholic, Mormon and Baptist private institutions. Ah, doesn’t abstinence just make life simpler?)