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Graham Spanier: Amateur Movie Reviewer

A Masterful PerformanceAs if being a magician, juggler and University President weren’t enough, once again Graham Spanier has released his annual list of movie reviews. There are only twelve (compared to last year’s 17), but I feel they offer some fascinating insight into the mind of the G-Span.

First off, he respects those who use big budgets. Forget the lack of a memorable story-line or Attack of the Clones-esque terrible dialogue, Spanier gives Avatar 4 stars for being a “visual extravaganza” and called “the most expensive movie ever made” worth the price.

He also shows a fascinating interest in and ignorance of the Twilight saga. In his review, he says the following:

The first movie was actually quite good, but this second try in what threatens to be an ongoing series was disappointing.

How he hasn’t figured out that there will be two more movies no matter how godawful they are is somewhat baffling. Almost as baffling as him actually liking Twilight in the first place.

All in all, none of his ratings are particularly bold, instead sticking with what the major reviewers have said. If he really wanted to surprise us, he would have given Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel 4 stars for David Cross and Jason Lee keeping a straight face the whole movie.

What movies have you all seen this break, and what are your opinions on Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock Holmes as Batman?


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About the Author

Nick Johnson

Nick is a junior majoring in IST (the Internet) and CAS (saying things). He hopes to one day get paid to do this, but for now he is willing to do it for the fame. Besides writing for Onward State, he also puts things on the Internet here.

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