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A Guide to Surviving Syllabus Week

So you’re back in Happy Valley after a long, snowy drive down Route 322. You’ve said goodbye to your parents, packed your clean laundry into the trunk of your car, and thrown your trash-bag suitcases into your bedroom. You’ll put everything away later. You have more important things to get done… like drinking. It is Syllabus Week after all. Here are some tips and tricks to surviving a week entirely dedicating to drinking and reading a piece of paper that already can be found on Angel.

  1. Stay hydrated. Pick up a giant-sized Gatorade at Walmart. Maybe even pick up two. Snag some of those travel-sized ones to drink while you stand at the bus stop cursing CATA and the new flashing, strobe lights that are NOT hangover friendly. Sorry, White Loop. You are not Indigo.
  2. Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance. Make sure you have a game plan! Figure out where you are going instead of wandering around State College in negative 19 degree weather with only your alcohol blanket and your Fracket/ Party Cardy to keep you warm.
  3. Actually read your syllabus before you go out. If you have a professor that weighs attendance and participation as a significant portion of your grade, maybe you should skip that extra double Dragonberry and soda. You should also pay attention to class size. I really wouldn’t recommend looking like you’ve been riding the struggle bus all morning in a class of 40 or less people – not a good first impression to make. Save that for a few weeks in.
  4. Spread the love. You haven’t been at Penn State for almost a month. That’s a lot of people you need to see and catch up with. Take syllabus week as an opportunity to see as many of them as possible!
  5. Introduce yourself to the McLanahan’s breakfast sandwich. If you have never had one, now is the time to experience one of these little pieces of heaven. I have friends who swear that the hangover cure has been invented and it takes the form of a bacon, egg, and cheese wrapped in a piece of aluminum foil. They are pretty cheap too. You can use that extra money you saved for cover.

Syllabus Week is an endurance event, a marathon of liver destruction that will prepare your body for State Patty’s Day. It is a survival of the fittest. What tips do you have for coming out on top?

About the Author


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