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It Means I Was Drunk Yesterday: Hangover Advice

The hangover. It’s painful. It’s gut-wrenching. It makes us renounce alcohol and swear we will never take shots of Cuervo again, but we always do. So if you were generous with your pour on the previous night, a hangover is inevitable.

Now, my inner badass wants to advise you to simply crack open a fresh one and lick that pounding headache with the hair of the dog. I’m realistic, though, and I understand not many of us are able to channel our inner Bluto when the walk to the bathroom seems like a 5K.

Nursing a hangover is an art form that differs from person to person. Some people prefer to initiate damage control at the end of the night by slamming water before they pass out. Others chose to be martyrs and suffer through the agony. Regardless, everyone has their own ritual that has been updated through the years more times than their iTunes.

So, since “two heads are better than one” and no head is better than one when you have an epic hangover, here are some ideas on how to lessen the effects of your debauchery, courtesy of yours truly and some fellow Onward Staters:

The Night Before

If you are somewhere between comfortably buzzed and three more drinks until blackout, then you have the opportunity to help yourself before your drunken slumber:

1. Drink something other than alcohol. You have been dehydrating yourself all night, so countering that with water or Gatorade is a great idea. It won’t negate the hangover, but it will make it less severe. Also, keep some Gatorade close by when you go to bed.

2. Eat something. You do this anyway when you’re blitzed and walking around downtown, but if you missed out on a slice at Canyon, give yourself a base before you call it a night. Don’t overdo it though. Your stomach is in a fragile state as it is. The slightest miscalculation could hurt you greatly.

*Exclusive OS Tip: Eat some cucumbers before you go to bed. I’ve never tried it, but supposedly it “works like a charm,” according to one OS staff member.

3. Don’t take ibuprofen before you go to bed because you won’t be awake to feel the benefits. Also, don’t take any pain relievers that contain acetaminophen (Tylenol). It could really hurt your liver if it’s trying to metabolize alcohol and acetaminophen at the same time.

Hangover Day

Okay, so you blacked out and didn’t even make it to your bed. Now what? Before you head to the bathroom to force a vomit session, try to incorporate some of these helpful tips:

1. Unnecessary movement kills. Stay in one location for a while and try not to concentrate on anything. If you’re outside or on the bathroom floor, then maybe the move to your bed is advisable.

2. Hydrate again. Water, Gatorade and Vitamin Water are all good choices. Take it slow, though. We have all experienced the “smell-gag” sensation, which is when you smell Vlad or Captain when you’re drinking a non-alcoholic drink on hangover day and end up gagging. Unavoidable.

*Exclusive OS Tip: Drink coconut water. This is growing in popularity and people swear by drinks such as VitaCoco.

3. Spark it up. Let’s not bullshit each other here. Numerous people have said Mary Jane is the only real cure for a hangover.

*Exclusive OS Tip: One OS staff member suggests you “watch copious amounts of football” to cure your Sunday hangover.

4. Eat. Eat whatever you think you can handle. Some people believe a large, greasy meal is the cure for a raging hangover. Others prefer to eat smaller portions periodically. Either way, take in some calories. If you have trouble with this tip, then try number 3 and come back to it.

5. Take at least two showers. The first one is a given, but a second shower later in the day does wonders.

Recovering from a night of Jäger bombs and keg stands can be difficult, but certainly not impossible. Try some of these tips and add your own. Mix and match. Rip a GB and head to McDonald’s. Stay in bed all day and drink VitaCoco. Chase your last shot with a cucumber (if you have one) and hope for the best. The only person who can map out your hangover recovery method is you.

There has to be some more advice out there. Post a comment about your hangover routine.

About the Author

Shawn Christ

I am a junior majoring in print journalism. I am American. I am a Lion.


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