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The Five People You See at THON

For those familiar with THON, you know that every year there are new kids who come to join in the fun of THON every year, a new batch of dancers every year and new THON organizations popping up to raise money and support families every year. But some things will never change. This is why we present to you the five people you will always see at THON.

1. The Unofficial Dancer
This person puts all other THON spectators to shame as they go hour for hour with the dancers on the floor. Even more impressive, The Unofficial Dancer does so standing on concrete without having a moraler to spoil them. They also have the dubious task of surviving on (expensive) BJC food all weekend. Still, The Unofficial Dancer simply cannot accept the idea of sitting, sleeping, or leaving the Jordan Center, receiving a reaction of amazement and confusion upon telling everyone (literally, everyone) about it.

2. The Social Butterfly
This person will spend THON weekend balancing shifts for their committee, visiting the many dancers they know, and spending time with their general org and fraternity/sorority. You will see them everywhere throughout the weekend because they’ll constantly be on the move. The Social Butterflies constantly need to charge their phones and usually don’t have time to sleep. Popularity comes at a price!

3. Crazed Captain
Donning their headsets of justice, THON captains are seen at every turn of the BJC. The weekend of the captain, to say the very least, is an intensely busy undertaking, and so when things get poppin’ at THON, it’s business time. You know you’ve spotted a Crazed Captain when you see someone excitedly talking into their microphone just above what one would consider an “inside voice,” and furiously speed-walking, reversing directions without warning. It’s best not to ask the Crazed Captain any questions, or fear their wrath. However, like Mr. Hyde, the madness soon fades, and the captains return to their joyful demeanor.

4. Delusional Dancer
Standing for 46 hours straight not only wears the legs, but the mind. The Delusional Dancer appears towards the end of THON. You’ll know you’ve found them when you see them spraying themselves in the face with a water gun while blankly staring into the void of their own insanity, eating their Dancer Mail, or something of similar intrigue. Be careful not to disturb them, or they may just tumble even farther down the rabbit hole. Luckily, the Delusional Dancer is kept from harm by the loving hands of their moraler. Their trance is usually broken by Family Hour and the sweet jams of Go Go Gadjet. And sleep, sleep, and sleep.

5. Rule Breaker
While THON is a time of love and compassion, the Rule Breaker does everything within their power to piss you off. The Rule Breaker clogs up the aisles, chatting away with a friend, and when a Rules & Regulations Committee Member asks them to leave, they say, “Just give me a minute,” and leave after ten. The Rule Breaker denies seating to all those who ask because his 57 bros are coming real soon. The Rule Breaker is asked to stand up, complies, and then sits back down once that committee member turns away. The Rule Breaker pushes off your shoulders in order to catch the beach ball floating towards them, and never lets it go. The Rule Breaker may or may not be in a fraternity. No one likes the Rule Breaker.

About the Author

Ryan Kristobak

Hailing from Lebanon, PA, I am a senior majoring in print journalism. Things I enjoy include lovesacs, denim, mullets, Fight Milk, Jonny Moseley, and "hang in there" kitten posters. Things that bother me include "fun" sized candy bars (not fun), fish, shoobies, wet door knobs, baby leashes, and Jake Lloyd.

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