An enigma to many and home to few, our own Eastview Terrace was recently named on The Fiscal Times “Top 10 Insanely Luxurious Dorms” list.

Listen, Penn State on-campus housing is nothing to write home about. As freshmen, most of us were herded into small cinderblock boxes in East or Pollock, with sketchy wifi and the perpetual smell of decarbonated Natty. But that was one of the great freshman phenomenons; every other freshman was living in the same shithole and going through the same experience, and it brought us all closer together.

But Eastview Terrace — even the envy of Nittany Apartment residents — always remained in a league of its own.

Now, I’ve personally never been inside Eastview Terrace, but I know a few good men who have. They all tell marvelous stories of grandeur marble staircases, silk window curtains fit for a palace, and single bedrooms with private bathrooms. According to Housing and Food Services, 806 lucky upperclassmen get to experience these award winning amenities.

According to The Fiscal Times,

“This complex offers upperclassmen fully furnished single rooms with private bathrooms. Rooms are wired for TV cable, with dozens of popular channels and Internet access; there are also refrigerators and microwaves. All of the buildings have mail pickup and delivery. One senior told the university’s student affairs office, ‘When I saw the room I started jumping up and down.'”

So take your award, Eastview Terracians, while the rest of us plebeians live with four roommates in some decrepit downtown State College apartment complex.