You’re all ready for Halloween. You’ve got a bowl full of candy, a fridge full of alcohol, and a few pumpkins you carved at the Arboretum displayed proudly on your countertop. You’ve watched Hocus Pocus at least seven times in the past two weeks. Everything’s going according to plan. Except…SHITTTT. In the whirlwind of autumn festivity you completely forgot to pick up a costume! The first Halloween party is in an hour and you’re freaking out. But don’t worry, we anticipated your lazy forgetfulness and gathered a few costume ideas for such an instance.

Fellow Onward State writer Matt Westlake has a few ideas for those poor guys without a clue of what to wear.

FOR THE GENTLEMEN 

1. Mummy

Sure, as kids we were all confused about why mummies wore toilet paper. It seemed weird that someone would wrap a dead person in something that you flush down the toilet. While we grew up to learn that it wasn’t actually toilet paper that these deceased Egyptians were covered in, toilet paper is still a pleasantly cheap alternative to linen strips, so our childhood concept of mummification remains an option for an  inexpensive last minute costume. It’s just going to be hard to explain to the roommates.

2. Lax Bro

To be fair, not every lax kid is a douche. Maybe not even the majority. But you might be labeled a douche for the night simply based on how entirely unenthusiastic this costume is. Most dudes have at least one pinny laying around from a sport they played or an org they’re in. Pair it with some athletic shorts, high socks (what other kind is there?), and your favorite athletic shoes, and you’re good to go. Bonus points if you have a lacrosse stick to carry around with you and carry a can of Natty in it. If you have some sweet flow to go with it, you might actually be mistaken for a real-life lax bro.

3. Hipster

I hate hipsters.  That being said, it’s way too easy to dress like one. Just… don’t try. Throw on a shoddy flannel, your tightest jeans (or, even better, your girlfriend’s jeans), some Converse-type sneakers. Top it off with a beanie that isn’t the whole way on your head, and pop out the lenses of some cheap thick-framed sunglasses, or the glasses you swiped from a 3D movie. Boom. Hipster. Done.

4. Dick-in-a-Box

This SNL classic requires a little more dressing up to look really good, but you can pull it off in anything. Grab an empty tissue or shoe box. Put some kind of bow on the top. Tie the box around your hips, securing it over your junk, and you’re good to go.

5. Nudist on Strike

Unfortunately I have to give my friend from Pitt credit for this one– I’m sure a lot of people have heard of this costume before, but the first time I saw it was when he wore it last year. The name pretty much speaks for itself. Just wear clothes.  Then stick a sign to your body (or carry it around on a stick) that says “Nudist on Strike.” You’ll get at least one laugh every time.

FOR THE LADIES

1. Librarian

There are a few variations, depending on what you have in your closet. An argyle sweater and a short skirt, a plaid skirt with a cardigan, a pencil skirt and a button-down scantily unbuttoned, or any combination thereof. Pair the outfit you choose with some glasses and high heels. Maybe even carry around a book or two. Voilà! Librarian. Or school girl… the boundary line there is pretty thin.

2. Cat’s Out of the Bag

I mean, sure. You can be that girl who just wears a little black dress (or a black t-shirt with leggings), then adds cat ears and an eyeliner-drawn nose and whiskers. Orrrrr you can be the girl who went a step further and carried an empty bag along with her so she could be the punniest girl at the party: the cat out of the bag. Ha! Ha ha! …Whatever. I think it’s funny. Added bonus: people will get confused, think you’re trick or treating, and throw candy/liquor into your empty bag. Win-win.

3. Pretty much any of the Seven Deadly Sins

The easiest one is Sloth, of course. Just wear your pajamas and slippers, carry around a pillow or stuffed animal, and look perpetually sleepy all night. Gluttony’s fun, too. Wear whatever, but carry around a box of Pokey Stix or Insomnia Cookies (or both) and a bib. People will automatically be drawn to you if you’re carrying around food anyway. Lust is easy, because… well, because you can just basically wear your lingerie with tights and boots. Pride? A sign that says “I <3 Me.” Envy, you wear a lot of green. You catch the drift. They’re easy. Bonus points if you have six friends who are equally as forgetful as you and you all dress up as a different sin.

4. Lady Bro

Either pull from the pile of clothes you’ve stolen from the guys you’ve hooked up with this year (don’t lie, you have one) or borrow some things from the group of guys who live down the hall. Pull your hair up into a snapback. Throw on a pinny or jersey of any kind. Make sure that your boxers are sticking out of your basketball shorts and that your socks are pulled halfway up your calves. Add sneakers, a lanyard, and of course a can of Natty. There you go, you’re a bro.

5. Binder Full of Women

Hands down, my faaaaaaavorite costume on this list. You need two equally-sized pieces of cardboard or posterboard, and one thinner strip to connect the two (like a binder, ya get it?). Then glue on two straps to hold the thing up. Personally, I’d create some trippy designs on it with lots of color and glitter, like a Lisa Frank trapper keeper circa 1998. Then pull it on and wear whatever the hell you want underneath it. Since you’re just a woman it doesn’t matter! Right?