Guy Wearing Shorts in Cold Weather “Absolute Badass”
Social media exploded following reports of a brave man wearing shorts in the 24-degree weather earlier today. The man, witnessed by hundreds of stunned disbelievers and admirers, was last reported seen wearing a pair of tan cargo shorts walking in the vicinity of Old Main despite the sub-freezing temperatures.
“I was walking back from class today when I caught a glimpse of his legs, practically shimmering with bravery,” commented witness Jeremiah Connors. “When you see a person wearing shorts in this kind of weather, you just know they’re just the toughest, most fearless warrior around.”
Later this afternoon, the Old Main lawn was surrounded by a throng of onlookers hoping to catch a glimpse of this “absolute badass”, as freshman Hannah Daley said. “People that wear shorts in cold weather are just so cool that I can’t resist looking at them. It’s like they somehow know they’ll get attention by wearing shorts.”
Scientists were stunned by the levels of badassery displayed by the man now known as Shorts Guy.
“According to preliminary results, we’re looking at a person that could shatter the very fabric of space-time by engaging in any other rad behaviors while wearing shorts in this weather,” said lead physicist Louis Coutu. “We advise this man against wearing sunglasses indoors or keeping his ski tickets on his jacket zipper.”
At press time, University Police have closed off the Old Main lawn due to rioting Shorts Guy fans.
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Sandy Barbour will make an average of $1,269,000 per year as part of the new deal, which runs through August 2023.
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