Penn State Squirrel Whisperer and Sneezy the Squirrel Split
Mary Krupa and Sneezy the Squirrel are no more.
The heartwarming friendship that touched the campus ended this morning after Sneezy caught Krupa feeding the campus ducks.
Krupa, who was affectionately known in most circles as the “Squirrel Whisperer,” was seen surrounded by several quacking ducks on the Old Main lawn feeding them bread crumbs.
While feeding the ducks, Krupa reportedly paid particularly close attention to a select duck, “Quacky.”
Onward State has learned of the duck’s identity, based on an unparalleled patch of red feathers and because of what some in the industry have described as a “quacking sound” the animal makes.
Following the bread crumb breakfast, Krupa and Quacky were seen walking around campus together, splitting a FroYo, and reminiscing about Campus Candy.
The split has already started to shake up some of the students.
“In a world of uncertainty, it seemed there was one constant… until now,” said Terry Smith, a former squirrel owner, and web manager of “Sneezy the Penn State Squirrel” Facebook page.
“I haven’t been able to stop crying since I found out,” said sophomore Tyler Lucas. “Like, they were perfect together. I really looked up to them. Now I don’t know what to believe in anymore.”
Krupa, who some have already begun speculating will become the “Duck Whisperer” now, could not be reached for comment. However, Sneezy has already made his opinion heard and even hinted at a violent response.
“Are you ducking kiddin’ me?” said the squirrel. “This is seriously crazy! After all we been through. Man, them ducks better watch they back. Homie don’t play that.”
It is rumored that Sneezy is gathering the other squirrels on campus in retaliation and campus police are gearing up for a possible turf war between the two species.
When asked about the threat of violence, Sneezy responded, “Like I said, Quacky better watch his back. Keeping actin’ like this he goin’ end up gettin’ quacked! I roll deep, son. Me and my squad don’t mess around. That’s all I got to say.”
Quacky didn’t have much to say in response except, “This squirrel is nuts, I’ll just leave it at that.”
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About the Author
“Tim’s Law,” the Timothy J. Piazza Anti-Hazing Law, was approved by the Pennsylvania Senate Monday. The legislation is named after Tim Piazza, who died following a hazing ritual at the on-campus Beta Theta Pi fraternity house in February 2017. Now that it’s been passed by both Pennsylvania’s Senate and House of Representatives, the bill will move […]
“I’ll have a scarlet kidney but a heart that beats blue and white.”
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