Student Jailed for Extending eLion Session Too Many Times

Around 8 p.m. last Friday night, sophomore Josh Brolin opened eLion, started working on his schedule, and left the window open in the background of his desktop. A pop-up caught his eye, striking fear in his heart that his hard work might disappear: “Your session is about to expire. Please click here to request additional time.”

He clicked “yes.” An hour later, he did it again.

And again.

And again.

After an all-night cramming session, Brolin had clicked “yes” 569 times, he says. But that was clearly too much “more time” than Penn State had in its reserves. The Old Main Bell stopped ringing, and as a result, ANGEL tanked.

Soon enough, Interim Executive Vice President and Provost, and noted pirate hunter, Rob Pangborn was at Brolin’s door. The squawk of Polly, Pangborn’s trusted parrot, was all Brolin needed to hear to know his time was up. “I really just needed a couple more hours, man. I swear, I’ll never use eLion again.” said Brolin in a statement issued from his cell in the dungeon under Old Main.

Pangborn could not be reached for comment, but legend has it, he continues to sail around the Seven Seas of State College. Let this be a cautionary tale, all you multi-tab browsers.

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Alex Federman

Alex is a Senior at Penn State who enjoys watching movies and television shows (probably a bit too much). He's a Film/Video major, with a Spanish minor.


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