Sometime around finals week last semester, Onward State caught a whiff of a simple and spectacular idea from Dalhousie University in Halifax, Canada: a finals week puppy room.

Since then, we’ve learned that this cuddly phenomenon is no longer an incident isolated north of the border. A mere three-and-a-half hours away, college students have been presented with the coveted privilege of de-stressing with furry little bundles of joy.

“Maryland has this thing called Puppy Palooza, and you get to play with puppies,” said Sarah Pontius, a sophomore at the University of Maryland. “Also, they bring puppies so you can play with them during finals sometimes….Yeah, we like puppies here.”

Well, we can’t let Maryland beat us. So obviously after we published the initial article requesting that UPUA get us a Finals Week Puppy Room, they hopped on the case, and we’re all about to be worry-free and covered in a thick coat of dog hair, right?

“The project was considered and looked into. Like every project, we look at all the aspects to see whether this is feasible or not, the risk management and all factors that need to be included,” said Jeffrey Holzer, UPUA’s current facilities committee chair. “As of this time, there is absolutely no chance of a puppy room for this semester’s finals week or any future finals weeks. Further development would be needed, but as of now, there is no finalization of the project and future finalization is not in our perspective. Absolutely no significant developments have transpired to move the project beyond conceptual stages.”

(You’d think I made that up to make UPUA sound like a bunch of soulless, puppy-hating bastards, but you’d be wrong.)

So not only do we face this semester’s Finals Week puppy-less, but it doesn’t appear that we’ll be surrounded by such joyous creatures this time next semester, either…Or any semester after that.

However, there is one incredibly faint silver lining! If you’re in Schreyer Honors College (cue scowls from the non-Schreyer students), you can go to “Pause for Paws,” a pet therapy session held in the Atherton courtyard facing Shortlidge. These four-legged fellas will be brought to you by the Centre County PAWS Shelter, and all honors students are welcome to come pet and play with ’em from noon to 4 p.m. this Friday, April 26. And best of luck to the non-Schreyer students who will inevitably attempt to weasel their way into this event for the sake of nuzzling the soft jowls of some handsome Golden Retriever.

I know that these spirit-lifting rumors have been circulating for so long now that you had gotten your hopes up, and that you’re even more depressed about finals week now that you know it will be a seemingly infinite puppy-less abyss, but… Shhh, there, there. If it’s any consolation, these puppies are just as sad that you aren’t playing with them as you are: