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10 Things UPUA’s WTF Campaign Should Actually Fix

UPUA passed legislation to launch the ever-so-edgy WTF (What To Fix) PSU campaign last month. The idea itself is simple enough: use social media (Facebook/Gmail/Twitter) to let UPUA know what you’d like to see fixed around campus.

While the idea is good in theory, we all know it’ll be used for boring things like fixing water fountains or putting more chairs in the HUB because, well, UPUA. But despite the inevitable, the staff at Onward State compiled a list of ten things that WTF PSU should fix to make our school a better place:

10. Outlets on every desk in huge lecture halls

For how big some of these lecture halls are, it’s surprising that so many lack easy access outlets. God forbid you’re in the middle of a row in 108 Forum with only 4% battery left and 40 minutes of class left. Unless you grab one of the few seats that is within feet of an outlet, you’re pretty much screwed for the remainder of class. Fortunately, such tragedies would never happen if each seat came with an accessible outlet that could be used for emergency charging.

9. A field specifically for Human vs. Zombies

In this case, everyone wins. The Human vs. Zombies crowd can finally have a place to call home, while innocent bystanders don’t have to worry about getting hit by a rogue sock or Nerf dart every time they leave their dorm.

8. A crow removal system

You never truly know fear until you’re walking alone on campus and 1,000 crows are circling above your head. Penn State has tried to combat the huge crow issue by firing flares into the trees, but it’s clear that it’s only making them angrier. Much more drastic measures need to be taken if we want to rid ourselves of the crows once and for all. Your move, UPUA.

7. Air conditioning in every dorm

You know there’s a serious problem when people resort to sleeping in the HUB because their dorm room is too hot. We’re not sure what the cost would be with putting an AC unit in every room, but no one should ever have to stay overnight in the HUB just to sleep comfortably.

6. Another Starbucks in the HUB

A Starbucks in the HUB was a great idea in theory. Unfortunately, one Starbucks is not enough to meet the current coffee demands of Penn State as the line is usually 20-30 people deep. And who has the time to wait 30 minutes just to get a cup of coffee? Open up another Starbucks where Joegies used to be and watch the lines disappear.

5. A rocking chair for the Willard Preacher

Gary Cattell has argued with students in front of Willard day in and day out since 1982. For the mathematically challenged, he’s been pacing around in front of Willard for 31 years which can’t be easy on the knees. UPUA should put a rocking chair in front of Willard for Cattell so he can keep preaching about students going to hell for years to come. The man has earned it.

4. Triple-ply toilet paper in all campus bathrooms

The one-ply toilet paper we all deal with now is a complete pain in the ass. If UPUA really cares about our interests as much as it says it does, this will be one of the first issues the new campaign tackles. The era of crappy toilet paper on campus has gone on for too long.

3. An actual playground in the HUB

Too soon? Probably. But who wouldn’t want a slide that goes from the third floor of the HUB to Panda Express? Or a set of swings by the big TV on the first floor? The possibilities are endless here. #thehubisaplayground

2. The seats in Forum

The Forum is one of the worst buildings on campus for multiple reasons, but the incredibly uncomfortable chairs take the cake. For starters, it’s impossible to change sitting positions without elbowing the person next to you in the face multiple times. The desks are also way too small, which it makes it difficult to take exams or write down notes during lectures. Comfy chairs and decent-sized desks would make the overall Forum experience somewhat tolerable.

1. A way to use LionCash to buy alcohol

This one is pretty self-explanatory. No one at Penn State should ever be denied a drink just because they only use LionCash. Put those card readers in every bar, club, bottle shot, and beer distributor in town.

Have another idea that would make our school a better place? Be sure to post it in the comments and Tweet it at @WTFPSU.

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About the Author

Greg Schlosser

Greg is a senior majoring in energy engineering at Penn State. He is a big fan of Pittsburgh sports and sandwiches with coleslaw and french fries. You can email him at [email protected] or find him at the Phyrst drunkenly requesting the band to play "One Headlight."

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