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Overheard on Super Bowl Sunday

Super Bowl Sunday is the closest thing America has to a truly national holiday outside of the Fourth of July. Despite viewership numbers dipping this year, more than 30 percent of the entire national population tuned in to watch Richard Sherman and the Seahawks make Peyton Manning look like Mark Sanchez. With that many people invested in the game, there had to be some brilliant comments made by the denizens of State College. We scoured bars, Super Bowl parties, bottle shops, and of course wing places to hear the thoughts of Penn Staters on the big game. This is Overheard During Super Bowl Sunday.

Already drunk girl at Wings Over: “I’d bathe in Sweet Chili if it was socially acceptable. I should make a video of that.”
Her Boyfriend: “This is why I’m in love with you.”

Guy in Tebow jersey: “How much would you have to be paid to be a referee? How much is it worth to be universally hated?”

Guy carrying a backpack filled with 40s out of Sharkie’s: “Where’s Ed Hochuli? His biceps are a national treasure and should be on display with the rest of our military firepower.”

Guy in black hoodie: “It’s not that I hate Bruno Mars, it’s that I like the songs he doesn’t sing.”

Lanky guy with big ears: “He’s like Onyx cause he’s dumb as a rock.”
His friend: “Onyx is actually a collection of rocks.”
First guy: “Yeah he’s a fuckin’ collection that’s how dumb he is.”

Guy who doesn’t watch much football: “He’s not down! Only one knee is on the ground!”

Short girl in RHCP tank with cross necklace: “The Broncos need Jesus.”
Her friend: “They traded Tebow away already they’ve forsaken Jesus.”

Sad-looking guy in line at Wings Over, to his friend: “I need enough honey mustard covered boneless wings to make me forget how incredibly lonely I am.”

Guy in camouflage Eric Decker jersey after the Broncos’ lone TD: “ROLL DAMN TIDE THE COMEBACK STARTS HERE!”

Guy picking out his hair: “I brought an Afro pick to the Super Bowl party just in case, you never know when you’ll need it.”

Guy laying down on the couch, still drunk from the night before: “Earl Thomas says we gotta take shots, we should.”

Bored Broncos fan: “Bruno Mars’ hair could have a better passer rating than Peyton.”

Chubby white kid: “Anthony Kiedis is 50 and spent half his life doing heroin and he’s still in better shape than me.”

Guy in frat letters: “I’m gonna pull a Shooter McGavin and steal that gold jacket.”

Depressed Film Major: “I’m glad Philip Seymour Hoffman wasn’t around to see this disaster of a game.”

Drunk guy outside Cold Stone: “The city of Omaha is so embarrassed by Peyton’s performance they’re holding an emergency vote to change their name.”

Short guy walking out of Bar Bleu: “Erin Andrews is hot to trot.”
Same guy: “I’d trot on her.”
His friend in a Broncos shirsey, lighting a cigarette: “Dude enough with the horse puns they’re down 30.”

Drunk guy angrily ripping up his Super Bowl Boxes sheet:  “This Super Bowl is the reason I don’t believe in God. GOD PROBABLY MADE THEM GO FOR TWO!”
His friend: “Calling John Fox ‘God’ is a bit of a stretch at the moment.”

Drunk girl analyzing every commercial: “Prince probably still gets laid more often than I do and he’s 55 and looks like Michelle Obama’s lesbian sister.”

Guy wearing grey sweatpants/sweatshirt combo: “John Frusciante is gonna wake up in a gutter in two weeks and ask when the Super Bowl is.”

Guy going no hands in the urinal: “State College local ads somehow get worse during the Super Bowl, they actually make me miss being indoctrinated by corporate America 30 seconds at a time.”

Freshman coming to a sudden realization in Findlay Commons: “Michael Robinson and Jordan Hill both have Super Bowl rings and Penn State degrees and I’m on track to miss both of those by a wide margin. I should start going to class.”

About the Author

Noel Purcell

Noel Purcell is Onward State's Features Editor. He's a senior Supply Chain major, but is going to law school at some point in the future and masquerades as a writer for now. He continues to disappoint his ancestors by being a complete Irish stereotype. His email is [email protected] because there were no other Noels before him. His ex-wife got the good half of his bio in the divorce settlement.


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