PSU news by
Penn State's student blog

Topics

About

Drunk, Sober, High: Speed Dating at Willard

Speed dating and Willard Building aren’t two things that you would expect to go together, but on Thursday night, they did. PSU Matchmaker, a dating television show on PSNTV, hosted the event. Guys and gals were pitted together in 367 Willard for three minutes of conversation at a time. Around 25 people cycled in and out of the room throughout the night. Pop music blasted in the background and each table — otherwise known as two desks pushed together — was adorned with a paper heart and a battery-powered tealight candle.

We sent three reporters to the speed dating event in varying forms of inebriation. Here are their accounts of what went down.

Drunk

She left. High fucking left. My one bastion of hope, my knowledge of someone, somewhere in the room that was in the same position as me? Gone. I was stuck, fidgeting with paper cutout hearts and fake candles, talking about the same things over and over again. You know the worst part? It wasn’t the repetitive conversations, which my family trained me for over Thanksgiving. It wasn’t the awkward silences. It was the warm seats. Another person’s warm, nervously moving cheeks were there, moments before. No bueno.

Highlights: The guy before me had quite the lisp, and as such, my table was often covered in his saliva. I went around twice because a girl asked me to, and I couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse as to why I couldn’t. So I had conversations with everyone twice, all of whom thought it would be fun to make a game out of seeing how much I remembered about them from last time. My answer? My inebriated mind remembered nothing. Not names, hobbies, majors, or years, or anything else. And they were mad. I wasn’t drunk enough to spare myself of the embarrassment. Lesson learned: Five shots of whiskey is not enough whiskey.

Sober

If I learned one thing about speed dating on Thursday night, it was that you should never, ever, under any circumstance do it soberly. Speed dating made me crave alcohol, and that was only partially because the loud dance music blasting in the room made me feel like I was at Indigo.

I’ve always struggled with conversations when meeting new people. My friends would likely tell you that I’m outgoing and fun, but I can assure you that my speed dates didn’t get that impression. It was so tedious. We talked about why we were there, what year we are, our major, our interests, and how loud the music was. Lather, rinse, and repeat. It just droned on and on and on.

It all felt so forced, which they quite literally were. I found myself wondering if I would ever talk to any of these people if a girl yelling “SWITCH!” at the front of the Willard classroom didn’t make me move to the next desk. I finished my apple cider or sparkling juice (or whatever I was wishing was wine) way too quickly, so I awkwardly carried an empty cup to each date and played with it to keep my mind off of the discomfort of the whole thing.

I’m not going to lie and pretend that I didn’t have one or two enjoyable conversations. I was so overwhelmed by the time I had to leave that I didn’t even bother asking about being matched with people, so I’ll likely never see the one date I enjoyed again. But if you read this, Kim, give me a call.

High

That was a mistake. Speed-oriented events are not meant for individuals slowed by the effects of marijuana.

Drunk and I arrived just on time. There was a surprisingly large amount of eager daters there. They set the mood by decorating the tables with hearts and fake candles. I knew it was a mistake as soon as I saw the decor, but it was too late to back out. By the time we started I already wanted to leave.

Each date lasted three minutes, which wasn’t even long enough for me to collect my thoughts before switching to the next guy.

I’m a generally shy person when sober, and even quieter when I’m high. I’m pretty sure half of what I said wasn’t even English. Maintaining conversation was difficult. What if what I’m saying is weird? Do I sound high as fuck? How many of those free cookies can I eat before they stop me?

As each guy passed, I got more and more paranoid that I was being awkward. Out of nervousness, I continuously chugged the apple cider they provided despite that fact it tasted like cat piss. I watched as Drunk and Sober cheerfully carried on conversations with their dates, while I was inwardly panicking.

After about an hour of dating there was some sort of mix-up and I ended up dateless for a minute. This was my chance.

I made a break for the exit and didn’t look back.

About the Author

Staff

Posts from the all-student staff of Onward State.

Comments

More by Onward State

Staff Predictions: Over/Under Penn State’s Projected Win Total

Vegas bookmakers have set Penn State’s over/under win total count at 9.5 for the upcoming football season.

Penn State Baseball Swept In Weekend Series Against Northwestern

To Our Favorite NFL Teams: Please Draft Saquon Barkley

Athletics

Incoming Penn State Track & Field Athlete Kristian Marche Shot To Death In Philadelphia

The incident surrounding Marche’s death is “under investigation,” according to the Philadelphia police department.

Former Women’s Gymnastics Coach Files Lawsuit Against Penn State Over Handling Of Abuse Allegations

Men’s Soccer Trio, Reading United Win PDL Eastern Conference Title, Fall Short Of National Championship

Penn State Hockey’s Evan Barratt, Aarne Talvitie Participate In World Junior Summer Showcase

Ally McHugh Wins 400 Medley National Championship

Student Life

Girirajan Lab Seeks To Bridge The Gap Between Fly And Human Genomes

The lab uses a combination of human genomics, computational biology, and functional studies, using Drosophila and human cell lines, to understand the risks caused by genetic mutations and to grasp how gene disruption leads to altered neurodevelopment.

Join Onward State: Fall 2018 Application

Pennharmonics To Hold 25th Anniversary Reunion Concert

Plans Submitted For New KFC In State College

Developers have submitted preliminary land development plans to build a new KFC restaurant at 1780 S. Atherton St. in State College.

Join Onward State: Fall 2018 Application

Onward State is hiring for the fall semester and we’d love to have you join us.

Incoming Penn State Track & Field Athlete Kristian Marche Shot To Death In Philadelphia

The incident surrounding Marche’s death is “under investigation,” according to the Philadelphia police department.

Be the first to know

  • Top posts and the best Penn State stories

Thank you for subscribing.

Something went wrong.

Madden NFL 19 Ratings For Nittany Lions

For the second consecutive year, Sean Lee is the highest-rated Nittany Lion in the Madden video game.

Send this to a friend