Crying Freshmen and Library Naps: Finals Week Prop Bets
It’s Monday, which sadly means that the dreaded end-of-semester Finals Week is finally upon us. You’re pulling all-nighters, downing Adderall — legally prescribed of course — like TicTacs, and keeping Nittany Notes in business. But most of all, you’re terribly miserable. That’s why we’ve put together a list of prop bets for our classmates as a way to spice up this week of hell.
Allow Onward State co-founder Evan Kalikow to explain a prop bet here: “A prop bet is short for proposition bet. Basically, it’s a bet on something not commonly betted upon. For example, lots of people bet on the score of the Super Bowl, but how many people bet on how many times the winning coach will say ‘humbled’ in the post-game press conference? That’s a prop bet.”
With that in mind, let’s begin AND REMEMBER ONWARD STATE IS NOT A GAMBLING OPERATION AND DOES NOT PROMOTE GAMBLING. THIS IS JUST FOR FUN. DON’T MENTION OUR NAME TO YOUR BOOKIE.
With that disclaimer in mind, here is the definitive and official list of Finals Week prop bets:
Odds people you’ve talked to maybe once ever hitting you up for some Adderall throughout the week: 8-1
Odds you hit someone up for Adderall: 2-1
Freshmen who cry and have a mental breakdown: Over/under 33 percent of the entire class
Odds of that guy who you sat next to once in September asking for “the notes from, like, the last 12 classes”: 4-1
Average weight gain from stress eating: Over/under 2.5 pounds
Servings of caffeine consumed per person throughout the week: Over/under 24.5
Chances you’ll hear, “Yeah, I’m just gonna wing this one”: 3-1
Percent of people who say they’re going to fail their finals that actually fail: Over/under 17.5
Number of people passed out in the library: Over/under 750
Odds that you see someone sleeping during a final: 1,000-1
Odds of seeing someone have a mental breakdown in one of your finals: 4-1
Odds that you lucidly dream of physics due to excess studying: 5-1
Average number of engineering majors that give you dirty looks when you bitch about your finals: Over/under 29.5
Odds you see people studying at work: 4-1
Odds you see people studying at a bar: 3-1
Number of journalism majors asking what finals are: Over/under 75 percent of them
Number of IST majors getting trashed because they don’t take finals: Over/under all of them
Number of alums in the comments section bitching about how much harder finals were in their day: Over/under 6.5
Odds of sitting next to someone who hasn’t showered in a week: 10-1
Odds you hear a senior brag about drinking the night before a final: 5-1
Odds you hear a senior brag about pre-gaming a final: 100-1
Odds that a senior takes a final in the middle of a bar tour: 250-1
Number of law school students who tell you that you have it easy: Over/under 100 percent of them
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