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The Best Wi-Fi Names Of Penn State

In this week’s edition of Onward State wanders aimlessly around campus to take iPhone screenshots, we set out to find Penn State’s best and most unique Wi-Fi names. Here’s a collection of some of the most unique and clever names we found on campus and in town, broken down into categories.

Wi-Fi Jokes

Who doesn’t love a good pun? Technical terms mixed with pop culture references and an unexplainable desire to have a unique Wi-Fi name lead to some clever titles.

Screen Shot 2015-03-04 at 11.10.22 PM

Slow connection? We’ve all been there.


They climbin’ in yo routers, snatchin’ yo signal up.


You might want to get that checked out…


“Hey Dad, I need a new wireless router.”

Dad: *makes dad joke that you make fun of but then steal for your wireless name*


Most likely only works when the pimps are all in the crib.

You know you’re on frat row when…

Mixed amongst the Greek alphabet of Wi-Fi names are a few, more unique internet connection options.


When the police are searching your IP address, at least they won’t be able to take you down for two crimes!


Does that include staring at your muscles in the mirror?


The password is not 25.


Probably a pretty good deterrent — what frat guy wants to share internet access with a GDI?


Password: In Vlad We Trust


First the government and now the frats? #FratGate2015


Some people are using their Wi-Fi name as free advertisement. It’s simple, no description or picture needed, and anyone who walks by and tries to connect to the internet can see it.


Can confirm: password is NOT taco.



Whatever, wherever, whenever: if it’s free, it’s for me.


Everybody go check it out — no need to knock either!


Oh well uh, *clears throat*, hey Luke *winks*

Fan Clubs

The people of Penn State are apparently big on obscure celebrities with memorable catch phrases, and aren’t afraid to tell anyone who might come into Wi-Fi range.


That connection is MONEY.


Primary purpose: streaming Rock of Love with Bret Michaels.


The only Wi-Fi at Penn State that can be connected to from a thousand miles away.


Alright, alright, alright, we got some internet up in here!

Best of the best, AKA Miscellaneous

Some of the Wi-Fi names around State College are so unique, we just couldn’t categorize them.


This Wi-Fi probably connected really well in the mid-70’s, but now is hardly better than average (even though it beat the Penguins’ Wi-Fi twice so far this season. Just saying).


Comcast: internet provided so poorly, it’s criminal.


Password: DisOurPasswordMofo


A subtle message from your loving neighbors next time you go to connect to your Wi-Fi.


Be careful what you do on the internet, Andrew and Andrew’s roommates, Mom AND Dad are always watching.


There you have it. Points if you ever find one of these, and bonus points if one of them is yours. If you ever find yourself with a new wireless router, do your best to come up with something that will entertain your neighbors and other passing members of the community.

About the Author

Lexi Shimkonis

Lexi is an editor-turned-staff writer who can often be found at either Irving's or the Phyrst (with the chances she'll have her backpack being the same). Lexi is a senior hailing from Spring City, PA (kind of) and studying Civil Engineering. Please email questions and/or pleas for an Instagram caption to [email protected], or for a more intimate bond, follow her on Twitter @lexshimko.


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Staff Picks: Grabbing A Drink With A Prominent Penn Stater

If you had the chance to hear about Penn State from (or throw down at a State College bar for a night with) some of its most prominent figures, who would you want to grab a beer with?

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