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Happy Valley Dolls To Host Home Opener March 28

Get your knee pads, helmets, and fierce aggression ready, Penn State. State College’s very own roller derby team, the Happy Valley Dolls, will open its 2015 season March 28 at 5:00 p.m. at the Penn Skates Roller Rink. It’s going up against the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Roller Radicals.

Now if you’re like me, you don’t know much about the classic American sport of roller derby. But it actually is quite simple. Each five-member team skates around the rink for two 30-minute periods. Within the team, there is one member called the “jammer,” whose main goal is to beat the other team’s jammer around the rink. The other four members that block the other team are called “blockers.” You score points in roller derby when the jammer laps the other team.

Pretty simple, right? Yet, even from the description of the game, it’s pretty easy to see how violent roller derby can get. That’s probably why all of the girls have such kick-ass derby names, and the Happy Valley Dolls have some gems. For instance, I doubt you would want to cross someone called Blackout Betty. And you probably wouldn’t want to piss off a girl called Suenami. There’s also a girl called the Ovarian Fyst. I don’t know about you, but when I think of a girl who calls herself the Ovarian Fyst, I picture this terrifying Viking goddess who crunches on the bones of weaker men for breakfast. But maybe that’s just me.

The Happy Valley Dolls are a force to be reckoned with. The team is a member of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, an organization of roller derby gals from all over the world. The Happy Valley Dolls’ initiation into the WFTDA is pretty recent, as they just became members this year.

State College’s own gang of rough and tough derby ladies will host its home opener at the Penn Skates Roller Rink on High Tech Road. The festivities, or as the pros call it, “the bout,” will start at 5:00 p.m. The Happy Valley Dolls are going up against the Wilkes-Barre/ Scranton Roller Raiders. They teams haven’t played against one another since 2013, so it’s bound to be an exciting time. Tickets for the event are $10, and benefit the team’s Walk MS team. More information can be found here.

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About the Author

Anna Foley

Anna is a senior majoring in Communication Arts & Sciences and Spanish with a minor in Theatre. Yes, she went to Spain. Follow her half-funny thoughts @exfoleyator and send her chain emails at [email protected]

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