47 Thoughts Everyone Has On The First Day Of Classes
It’s finally here, Penn State! It’s the official first day of classes of the fall semester! Months of
summer boredom anticipation have led up to this moment. Whether it’s your very first day of college classes or your very last, there are certain thoughts everyone has while preparing and attending their first round of classes. Here are the 47 thoughts we think everyone has on the first day of classes:
1. Is that my alarm? I don’t even care, I’ve been up for hours.
2. FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! (performed exactly like this)
3. What should I wear? I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.
4. But at the same time, I don’t want people to think I’m an utter bum (not yet, at least).
5. Okay. Shorts and a t-shirt seems safe.
6. If I leave 10 minutes early, I might be able to get coffee before class.
7. Wait, the Starbucks line is probably longer than the trek up to Forum. I’ll pass today.
8. 30 minutes till class starts? Might as well leave now. I’d rather not fight for a seat.
9. Fuck. I have to walk up Shortlidge.
10. God, I’m so out of shape. Why did I choose to walk this way?
11. It’s too late. I have committed. I must conquer this hill.
12. I’m sweating. Everywhere. I wonder if anyone can tell.
13. I don’t think I will be able to take off my backpack all day. Two words: back. Sweat.
14. Why did I not wear a black shirt today? I’m sweating enough for two fully grown Clydesdales. But if I was wearing black, no one would be able to tell.
15. The end of the hill is approaching. I am almost free.
16. Oh thank god, my class is in Thomas. The sweet sensation of air conditioning is almost mine.
17. Wait. I have absolutely no idea where my class is.
18. Okay, stay calm. I’ll just pull up eLion and check my schedule.
19. Why are there approximately 27,187 tabs on eLion?
20. God dammit, I didn’t want to go on my bursar!
21. Okay, student schedule. Here we go.
22. I hope it looks like I’m texting one of my many friends instead of looking up my schedule like a dweeb.
23. Okay, 201. To the stairs!
24. Good thing I left early, now I am significantly less sweaty.
25. I hope there’s a seat left in the third row. The third row is the all-time first day sweet spot. It’s close enough that the professor knows you care, but far enough away that you can still avoid eye contact when he asks the class a question.
26. Yes! There is a single seat left in the third row.
27. …in the middle of the row.
28. Oh god, I made a terrible mistake. Now I have to shuffle through all of these people.
29. I’m 74 percent sure I just whacked that poor girl in front of me with my backpack.
30. Just pretend it didn’t happen. Just sit down and pretend you didn’t just destroy that girl’s braid.
31. Four minutes till class. Nailed it.
32. Here comes the professor. He looks cool. He’s wearing tweed. That’s trendy.
33. I hope he doesn’t just read the syllabus aloud for 20 minutes.
34. Uh oh. He just opened the syllabus on ANGEL.
35. Here we go, he’s literally reading this document word for word.
36. His tweed is significantly less trendy now.
37. Oh my god, how does this biddie in the front row already have a question? He literally just read the exam policy.
38. Yes, really, girl. There really are only two exams in the whole class.
39. Oh my god, the guy next to me is watching an adorable puppy video. Do not giggle. Do not giggle.
40. Crap. My professor totally knows what I’m watching. He probably hates me now.
41. Write something down. It’ll show that you’re a diligent student.
42. I wrote down a quote he said. He totally loves me again. Crisis averted.
43. Wait, he just finished reading the syllabus. Does that mean class is over?
44. The professor closed his laptop. It’s all over now!
45. I’M FREEEEE!
46. …for 30 more minutes until my next class.
47. Only four more of these.
Good luck to everyone this semester!
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About the Author
All in all, it’s important to remember that there’s really no such thing as bad dancer mail.
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