It was the night before Rutgers, and I was bedridden with a minor concussion and major FOMO. I had been anticipating this game since syllabus week. Like many Penn State students, I was ready to put Rutgers students and their pipe dream of a Penn State rivalry in their place. Defeated, I wondered, “How can I still make the best out of this weekend from my bed?”

As a recently single college student, Tinder is my new favorite sport. Incidentally, the idea came to me as I was mercilessly left-swiping Rutgers kids: instead of automatically swiping left, I should match with them and mess with them. Clearly, this was the best use of my weekend, and I have no regrets. I decided to go for a subtle approach– undergrads at Rutgers University would surely take the bait. For the most part, I simply asked all of my newfound Rutgers tinder matches one question: why do you go to Rutgers?

Here are some of the best answers:

I have to say, this kid was my favorite. He was the least delusional, at least.

“I don’t know why y’all have so much school pride it’s kinda cute but also weird as shit.” Can I get that phrase embroidered on a pillow?

Rutgers University: Always original, always classy.

Imagine if great in state tuition was the first and only reason you could think of about why you go to Penn State?

If you can’t tell by this guy’s photo, he was, in fact, a Rutgers football player.  I felt bad picking on a football player who just suffered an embarrassing loss, so I just couldn’t bring myself to ask him why he chose Rutgers. He was looking to turn up though, probably to forget what just happened.

Does it look like I’m kidding?