Five Things Hotter Than James Franklin’s Seat

At the start of this rosy (see what I did there) college football season, James Franklin was on the hot seat. Penn State had gone 7-6 for two straight seasons, and fans were eager to find their way back among the Big Ten’s best. Eleven wins later, James Franklin has locked up a spot in the Granddaddy of Them All — the Rose Bowl. He is in no danger of losing his job – in fact, his seat is quite frosty. Here’s a list of five things (in celebration of Penn State’s No. 5 ranking) that are hotter than Franklin’s seat.

5. Jim Delany’s Icy Soul

The Big Ten commissioner made an appearance on College GameDay on Saturday (to a chorus of boos from Penn State fans in attendance), and he was – inevitably – asked who he thought should make it into the College Football Playoff. I couldn’t find a picture of Delany on GameDay, but here he is at his cardiologist last month:grinch

Four years ago – as he constantly reminded upset Penn State fans – Delany and the Big Ten campaigned for only conference champions to be taken into the Playoff field. Since that time, however, his passion for conference champions seems to have dwindled. On Saturday, Delany said that Ohio State had “done enough” to secure a spot in the Playoff, while not making any case for either of the two teams vying for the Big Ten Championship. Mr. Delany, your heart seems to be a few sizes too small.

4. Seats At Rutgers Games

Seats in High Point Solutions Stadium were pretty chilly on Nov. 19 when Penn State visited Piscataway to take on Rutgers. Not only was it a cold and rainy November night, but Rutgers fans were nowhere to be found. A Penn State devotee, whose sign garnered some attention at College GameDay in Indianapolis, affectionately referred to the total absence of support for Rutgers as the “Ghost Out.”

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But even with no body heat to warm up those seats in High Point Solutions Stadium, they are still much hotter than James Franklin’s own seat.

3. Sandy Cheeks’ Dome During Hibernation

Few places in the known world are as cold as Sandy Cheeks’ dome during the winter. Of course, this is where Dirty Dan and Pinhead Larry famously squared off in what was a more exciting matchup than the SEC Championship game. Alabama is shown celebrating its win over Florida here:hibernation

2. Absolute Zero

Absolute zero refers to 0 degrees kelvin, or -459.67 Fahrenheit, which cannot actually be reached by thermodynamic means. Therefore, absolute zero is only a theoretical value found by extrapolating the ideal gas law. Captivating stuff, huh? Well, the world’s leading scientists were astonished and amazed when they found the only object known to man to actually hit absolute zero, which comes in at number one on the list.

1. Jim Harbaugh Without A Shirt

Oh, you thought that nothing could be colder than absolute zero. So did science, until Jim Harbaugh decided to take his shirt off for all of the world to see. The eccentric Michigan head coach decided to go shirtless during a summer camp in Alabama in 2015. Among many other questions, we are left to wonder where that NFL frame of his has gone. A shirtless Jim Harbaugh is the coldest thing in the entire universe…other than Franklin’s seat, that is.

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Not surprisingly, the Penn State faithful who made their way to Indianapolis for the Big Ten Championship Game juxtaposed James Franklin hoisting the Big Ten East trophy with the above picture of Harbaugh a.k.a. Casper the Friendly Ghost.

It’s safe to say James Franklin’s job is secure.

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Derek Bannister

Derek is a junior majoring in Economics and History. He is legally required to tell you that he's from right outside of Philly. Email Derek compliments and dad-jokes at [email protected]

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