It’s thesis season at Penn State.

As seniors in The Schreyer Honors College have submitted their final projects, a new batch of rising senior scholars are preparing to begin their respective journeys of intensive research. With that in mind, we thought it would be worth diving deep into the dark pits of the Honors Thesis Archive to find some inspiration.

The inspiration was certainly there, but with it came a whole lot of confusion. Here are our best guesses at some of the most complicated thesis topics to date. These Schreyer kids are smart…perhaps too smart.

The effect of Symbiodinium spp. symbiont diversity on coral host performance

Ah, yes. Symbiodinium. After a ~close reading~ of this thesis title, the words coral and host really jumped out. Knowing that sea anemones are close relatives of coral, this could have something to do with Finding Nemo, because he lives in an anmenomenome…an monemonmeme…

Extrapolating from there, maybe this is where diversity comes into play. Obviously, we don’t know what Symbiodinium spp. symbiont means, so it’s time for an educated guess. Maybe the author is looking at the diversity of the class that Nemo joins? There were certainly lots of different species.

Living to Run and Running to Live: short analyses and memoirs about why we (want to, need to and just love to) run

This thesis must just be a few blank sheets of paper. Running is the punishment you inflict on yourself for eating too many cookies at West. If you point me towards someone who says they love to run then I know I can never trust that person to tell the truth.

CONCENTRATIONS OF PHARMACEUTICALS THROUGH THE PENN STATE UNIVERSITY WASTEWATER TREATMENT PLANT AND IN THE LIVING FILTER GROUNDWATER

Why is this thesis title yelling at us? If it’s because pharmaceuticals get through the wastewater treatment plant, I guess that would be reason enough. We knew the water here was bad, but not this bad.

If pharmaceuticals are making it through the water treatment plant, though, at least now I won’t have to take my daily allergy medicine! Two birds, one stone.

Examining Student Motivations and Identities to Promote Philanthropic Involvement

THON.

Images of God and Confidence in Social Institutions

Images of God in social institutions, you say? There’s nothing quite like the sweet, cultish love for Joe Paterno that most definitely exists at Penn State. The Beaver Stadium renderings even went as far as to replace Notre Dame’s football Jesus with Paterno himself.

Maybe this thesis is diving into the rivalry that will absolutely be heating up as a result of Penn State’s bold move.