23-year-old Harvard alumnus and swimmer Schuyler Bailar spoke about his journey with mental health and gender identity in the HUB’s Freeman Auditorium Wednesday night.

Bailar — the first openly transgender athlete to compete in an NCAA Division I sport — was the keynote speaker for the University Park Undergraduate Association’s (UPUA) Mental Health & Wellness Week. UPUA presented Bailar’s talk in collaboration with Penn State’s Student Programming Association (SPA).

As a child, Bailar said he was always passionate about water sports and swimming. It didn’t take long for them to become the most important aspects of his life. But behind his inherent athletic talent and the success and recognition that soon came with it was a person who felt lost, disconnected, and uncomfortable in his own skin.

In school, Bailar was bullied by his peers for looking and acting differently. He couldn’t even use the bathroom without being yelled at and scorned by girls who were vocal in expressing their opinions that he didn’t belong. Instead, he risked getting in trouble and used the “staff-only” restrooms, all while enduring a tremendous amount of emotional turmoil.

When he entered high school, Bailar tried to adhere to the many stereotypes associated with being female — the sex he was assigned at birth. He grew his hair out, changed his clothing, and even put on makeup to “play the part.”

Bailar managed to keep up a 4.0 GPA and excel in the pool, which garnered the attention of several Ivy League schools and ultimately earned him an acceptance from Harvard University. But in the midst of all this success, Bailar said he was miserable. He came out as a lesbian woman, thinking this would be the answer to all of his problems. It wasn’t.

Bailar’s mental health deteriorated during these years and he developed an eating disorder and severe depression. After hour-long sessions with a therapist each week weren’t enough and trips to the hospital became more frequent, he found himself at the Oliver-Pyatt Treatment Center in Miami, Florida, where he would spend 131 days.

Bailar said that it was during this time that he was able to come to terms with his own identity. He could finally say — to himself and others — that he was a transgender male. He now understood why he always felt so different growing up and soon began the transition process, but the process was anything but easy.

In the world of sports, Bailar particularly found himself at a crossroads. He was recruited as a member of Harvard’s women’s swimming and diving team. And although head coach Stephanie Morawski was extremely accepting — she reassured him he still had a spot on the team and the support of his teammates — he was taking all the steps to transform and identify as a man.

When the men’s coach Kevin Tyrell became aware of Bailar’s situation, he made sure that Bailar knew he had a spot on the men’s team, too. But this opportunity to swim for either team only terrified Bailar further, which led him to initially decline Tyrell’s offer.

“All I know is that I want to swim,” Bailar said of his thinking at the time in the midst of the confusion of the decision that lay before him.

He later changed his mind and decided to take a leap of faith just as his coaches had encouraged him to do. He swam for four years on the most successful Harvard swim team in 50 years, was ranked in the top 15% of all NCAA breaststroke swimmers, and won Harvard Director’s Award.

As he wrapped up his lecture, Bailar urged members of the audience to be their authentic selves, even if that means straying from the expectations of others.

He then began a conversation with the audience, in which he defined various vocabulary terms and answered questions. He was adamant about people asking him real questions without tip-toeing around any potentially difficult subjects.

Bailar said that he has given presentations like this one to individuals of all ages, including kindergarteners. He also made an appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show in April 2016 and has published a short story in a fiction anthology.

Currently, he is in the process of writing a book about his experience battling mental health issues and being a transgender male. Bailar also sells t-shirts that sport positive messages — with all proceeds going to the Trevor Project, a hotline for transgender youths in crisis.