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Overheard On Zoom: First Week Of Classes Edition

Week one of classes is in the books, folks!

Some professors are confident in their Zoom-teaching abilities, while others still (understandably) have no idea what the hell they’re doing. Regardless, many professors and students have stopped giving a shit about being ~professional~ and said just about anything that came to their minds.

Our staffers compiled a few of our favorite out-of-context statements overheard on Zoom this Sylly Week. Ranging from sad to wholesome to relatable, Penn State students and professors added some funny commentary to their remote lectures. Sit back, relax, and enjoy what college life is like in this day and age.

Professor who was already tired of teaching on the first day of class: “I don’t have anything to say that’s especially profound.”

Student who’s already in their bag during Sylly Week: “All of my serotonin is gone.”

Professor who put the cherry on top of all of the negativity in the world: “And, well, there’s also an asteroid coming.”

Theater professor who can’t require students to watch live, in-person shows because it’s impossible: “I’m going to talk about theater. It’s kind of imaginary right now. It’s like I’m talking about quidditch.”

Student who is trying to scribble down the PowerPoint notes before the professor changes the slide: “My fingers are moving faster than Saquon.”

Professor who wants to interact with their students as little as possible: “Every class we’re going to have a seven-to-eight-minute break. I’m going to go grab a soda. Be back in a few.”

Professor who wants to avoid the academic integrity violation paperwork at all costs: “If you lie, don’t lie bad. Put some effort into it.”

Honest professor who said it how it is: “I feel especially bad for the freshmen. You’re looking at some idiot sitting in his kitchen. That wasn’t the plan.”

Professor who actively saw someone exit their Zoom lecture on the second day of class: “322 of you! Oh, actually 321. One of you left. I spoke too damn soon.”

Professor who was stunned when they saw the viral video of the freshmen twerk circle at East Halls: “I didn’t know what twerking was until I taught this class. This class taught me what that meant.”

Student after learning that the professor went to UCLA: “Oh you smart smart.” Professor: “I don’t know what that means.”

Professor who wants to be Elvis Presley but is instead stuck teaching 400 students: “Yes, my sideburns are real.”

Student who knows their 3.5 GPA is about to nosedive to a 2.4: “This class on Zoom is a nightmare.”

Professor whose icebreaker activities made students question their entire life plan: “I’m not trying to be cute, or overly intellectual, or some guy with a stoner philosophy.”

Professor who still can’t operate Zoom effectively: “I’m going to create breakout rooms if I can figure out what the hell I’m doing.”

Lab TA who thinks plants are a personality trait because they study ecology: “Instead of typical icebreakers where we all talk about how we did nothing over the summer, I want you to pick your favorite tomato type.” Student: “Oh. Big Boy tomatoes for sure.”

Professor who is actively contemplating retiring 20 years early: “The problem is I’m very dumb with Zoom.”

Professor who has the only solution that students truly need: “If you’re feeling overwhelmed by this class, there’s plenty of pictures of dogs on the internet somewhere.”

Student who takes “We Are!” to heart: “If we’re going to struggle, we can struggle together.”

And finally, we have to give bonus points to the girl who recorded her entire Spanish speech with eight empty handles in the background. Incredible.

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About the Author

Colleen Nersten

Colleen is a senior biology major from York, Pa and is one of Onward State's associate editors. She overuses the ~tilde~ and aspires to be no other than the great Guy Fieri. You can find Colleen filling up her gas tank at Rutter’s, the ~superior~ Pennsylvania gas station. Please direct any questions or concerns to [email protected] For the hijinks, always.

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