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Penn State Tree Superlatives

The greenery of Penn State’s lush campus is mostly in full swing as summer winds down and fall quickly approaches. So what better time to go for a walk and look at some trees?

Although you’ve probably noticed how beautiful and spacious Penn State’s campus is, you might’ve never stopped to take a closer look. There’s actually a very wide array of trees, plants, and shrubs in Happy Valley, and especially in University Park.

Naturally, we set out to recognize some of the best and brightest trees on campus.

Best Overall Tree: Old Botany

If you’ve ever taken note of a specific tree on campus, it was most likely this one. Its intriguing shape, busy location, and unique support system make the Old Botany tree a real show-stopper.

Since it’s located near both Willard and the HUB, students from all over campus have the pleasure of passing this tree on a weekly basis. We’re jealous!

Worst Overall Tree: Outside BBH

I don’t want to be too hard on this tree, but it kinda just sucks. I don’t know if it’s dead, sleeping, or what, but it’s a real eyesore. Its unfortunate location right next to the HUB Lawn means plenty of people see it every day. It definitely has some, uh…character, for sure.

Tallest Tree(s)

I’m not sure which of these trees are bigger, but they’re both big boys. What’s the weather like up there, fellas?

Biggest Trunk: The Elms Next To Old Main

This tree has got a wagon, folks. What more can I say?

The Clifford Brothers Award For Not Being Twins But Still Looking Alike

Penn State football commit Liam Clifford will join his brother, Sean, in Happy Valley next year. Although the two siblings definitely share a strong resemblance, they obviously aren’t twins, just like these two cuties outside Burrowes.

Liam plays wide receiver, while Sean is known more for his skills as a field general. If I needed to pick, the tree on the left would be Sean and the one on the right would be Liam. Thems the rules.

The Trump Administration Award For Pushing Back Against The Post Office

The Trump administration has been in the news recently for attacking the United States Postal Service and mail-in ballots. This tree is literally pushing against a post office.

The Freshman Award For Struggling In The Front Yard Of A Frat

Say all you want about freshmen, but they definitely don’t know their way around a college party. This can often create moments of panic, defeat, and unusual soberness outside a frat house. They can surely relate to this withering tree on Fiji’s front lawn.

The Maybach Award For Taking The Top Off

This poor tree near the HUB Lawn appears to have been decapitated. But sometimes, you just need to take the top off.

The Cael Sanderson Award For Posing Impending Structural Damage To Rec Hall

Everyone who’s been to a Penn State wrestling match knows just how rowdy Rec Hall can get. Since it’s such an old building, it’s just a matter of time before cheering on the Nittany Lions does some damage.

This tree, which is tilted at an uncomfortable angle, would certainly also damage Rec Hall if it were to fall down.

The COVID-19-Positive Award For Being Isolated In Eastview Terrace

Being isolated in Eastview Terrace due to a coronavirus scare is definitely not a fun experience. But it’s not as bad as being this tree, which has been isolated outside Brill Hall for its entire existence. Poor guy.

The Penn State Wireless Network Award For Hanging On By A Thread

After the removal of ethernet from dorms and the influx of Zoom users on Penn State’s Wi-Fi, the university’s network must be struggling. This poor tree near the HUB Lawn is being held up by some sort of wire contraption, literally hanging on by a thread.

It’s a very nice tree, though. If you get the chance, take a look.

The Micah Parsons Award For Being An Absolute Unit

This fella’s built like a refrigerator. We’d probably get sacked too if it came at us like Micah Parsons charges an opposing quarterback.

The Creamery Ice Cream Award For Sitting On Top Of A Cone

The George H.W. Award For Being A Bush, Not A Tree

These “trees” are actually just big bushes or shrubbery in disguise. Don’t be fooled. They’re still pretty, though.

Some Other Nice Trees

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About the Author

Ryan Parsons

Ryan is a redshirt senior majoring in business and journalism from "Philadelphia" and mostly writes about football nowadays. You can follow him on Twitter @rjparsons9 or say hi via email at [email protected]

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