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An Exclusive Interview With The HUB Fish

While strolling through the HUB today, I took a moment to just soak in the view of the aquarium that the student center’s fish call home. How nice it must be to be a HUB fish, just swimming around in heated water while food rains down on you.

Plus, the things these fish must see in a day — people coming and going, spilled Starbucks drinks, and a lot of tears from hard-working students. I mean, heck, these fish have also been living through a pandemic just like the rest of us. 

As I thought about the fish, I was reminded of a vintage Onward State article from back in the day. The blog scored a very exclusive interview with the Penn State ducks that call the Duck Pond home. Could I possibly talk to the HUB fish? Would they even give the time of day to a low-life sophomore like me? Did I deserve this honor? 

I gathered all of my courage and bravely approached the tanks with the most important questions I could think of in mind. 

The following is a true account of my interview with the HUB fish: 

OS: Hi, fish. My name is Dana and I’m a writer for Onward State. Would you be interested in just answering a few questions about what life is like as residents of the HUB? 

HUB Fish: *no answer, all keep swimming*

Oof…tough crowd. I noticed a blue fish (Editor’s note: That’s a blue tang to you!) hanging about. Maybe they would be a bit more responsive one-on-one. 

OS: Hello, Blue Fish™. I’m sure you have noticed that the HUB is pretty empty these days. How has this affected you and your friends? 

Blue Fish: *stares at me and swims away*

OK, maybe mental health was a bit too strong to start off with. Let’s try another fish. This yellow one looks pretty talkative. 

OS: As you may have seen, Penn State football recently released “dance cam” footage featuring a few different players. Do you have any input on who truly is the best dancer on the team? 

Yellow fish: *bubble, bubble* 

OS: Well…overall, how do you feel about football returning soon?

Yellow Fish: *Hides behind coral*

*sigh* This is harder than I thought. Suddenly, however, a question hit me that any person or fish in Pennsylvania would answer. 

OS: Sheetz or Wawa? 

Clown Fish: Damn it, Dana. We are fish. We do NOT eat your disgusting gas station food.

Sheesh…usually that really gets folks going.

OS: I don’t want to point out the obvious, but you live in a very confined space. How do you maintain social distancing within your tank?

HUB fish: *suddenly stops* That’s actually a great question, Dana. We have been keeping our distance by staying in our own part of the tank and not partying (unlike you irresponsible college students). We ensure that our coral is sanitized every day and have no-contact food delivery.

We, as the HUB fish, hope to inspire the Penn State community to also keep up their safety precautions to keep the community safe.

On that note, I think that’s enough of talking to fish for today. In conclusion, the HUB fish don’t have much to say. But when they do talk, it either hurts your feelings or inspires a community.

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About the Author

Dana June Nunemacher

Dana is a redshirt sophomore, who is studying public relations. She is from the 570 and yes, she has watched The Office. Her passions in life include drinking unsweetened iced tea and spreading her love for agriculture (yee haw)! Send any cow pictures or complaints to [email protected]

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