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Things Less Embarrassing Than Wiping Out On Ice Downtown

If you’ve ventured outside in the past few days, there’s a high chance you ate shit walking to and from class. Sunday’s freezing rain coated downtown sidewalks in a sheet of ice that has yet to melt. Your ass cheeks may be bruised, but your ego is probably in worse shape.

From personal experience, wiping out in front of your peers is…well…humiliating — especially those of you who remember that brutal “ice-pocalypse” from 2017. To put things into perspective, we compiled a list of things that are somehow less embarrassing than wiping out on a downtown ice sheet.

Walking Out Of The Wrong Classroom On The First Day Of Class

Once you realize you’ve entered the wrong classroom, you have two choices: Suffer through it for 50 minutes or stand up and leave in front of everyone as your cheeks turn red. Either way, you didn’t fall on your ass in front of everyone.

Getting Stood Up At The Altar

After spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, it sure would be mortifying if your significant other decided to dip before the ceremony. Still, slipping on ice on College Ave. is worse.

Climbing Over People When You’re Late To Class In Thomas 100

Once your lecture begins and students take their seats, there tend to be a few scattered seats in the very middle of the rows. Climbing over everyone is a struggle, and all eyes are on you. At least you’ll make it to your destination without falling.

Wearing A Lanyard

No matter how convenient it might be to have your student ID, driver’s license, credit card, and key in one place, it screams “freshman.” The only thing that is more humiliating is being down on the ground due to the mercy of gravity and some slick concrete.

Losing To Unranked Illinois At Home In Nine Overtimes As The No. 7 Team In The Country

Is Penn State football good, great, or elite? How about…bad. Losing to the Fighting Illini on Homecoming weekend was not fun for James Franklin, but we bet he’d probably rather do it again than eat shit on ice in public.

Sitting At THON

So, your eyes are droopy, your legs are tired, and you haven’t had a cup of coffee in 15 hours. Regardless, sitting at THON is a no-no, and those who do it are embarrassingly weak. But, at least you’ll be comfortable and not have a baseball-sized bump on your tailbone.

Accidentally Unmuting Yourself On Zoom

Perhaps you’re talking to your roommate, peeing, or cooking breakfast while on Zoom. If you accidentally unmute your microphone, it’s horrifying. Still, slipping on a sheet of ice in front of strangers is even worse.

Referring To Yourself As A “Schreyer Honors Scholar”

Congratulations, you’re smart. Referring to yourself as a ~Schreyer Honors Scholar~ anywhere but on your resume could be embarrassing, but not as much as losing your footing on ice downtown.

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About the Author

Colleen Nersten

Colleen is a senior biology major from York, Pa and is one of Onward State's associate editors. She overuses the ~tilde~ and aspires to be no other than the great Guy Fieri. You can find Colleen filling up her gas tank at Rutter’s, the ~superior~ Pennsylvania gas station. Please direct any questions or concerns to [email protected] For the hijinks, always.

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