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Your Best ‘Why I Got Kicked Out Of A State College Bar’ Stories: Part One

Last week, we asked you to share your best kicked-out-of-a-bar stories, and you did not disappoint. Whether it happened 20 years ago at Cafe or last weekend at the Phyrst, your stories are far from forgettable.

We compiled a few of our favorite stories Penn Staters sent in for the first installment of this year’s series.

Neel — Champs

In 2017, Neel and his buddies went to Champs for a Riff Raff concert. The next morning, he asked why his friend Brendo left early. Turns out, he started pissing on everyone’s legs and got kicked out. All along, Neel thought someone spilled a drink on him. Apparently, to this day, Brendo gets kicked out every time he goes back to Champs, and Neel and his crew are convinced Champs has the security footage of him peeing on the dance floor.

“The legend of the pee-pee tapes,” Neel calls it.

Chris — The Gaff

During the 2013 Penn State-Nebraska weekend, Chris was visiting State College as an alum. They met some Nebraska fans at the Gaff and shared that they were getting “PSU” butt tattoos that night — a fantastic idea after drinking for 12 hours. According to Chris, one of the Nebraska fans said, “If you guys get those tattoos, I’ll get the Nebraska N on my butt.”

Chris and his friends left the Gaff, got the tattoos, and marched back into the Gaff to reveal the fresh ink.

“The bouncer didn’t appreciate my new artwork or my pasty pale white rear end being out, and I got kicked out,” Chris said.

Minutes later, the Nebraska fan followed them out, made good on his promise, and went back to Lincoln with new ink.

Joe — Indigo

Joe, an alum from the Class of 2019, had quite a disappointing New Year’s Eve at Indigo. His friend sprayed a bottle of champagne all over them, the table next to them, and the ceiling. The bar was not happy with that decision and kicked the crew out.

Kate — The Phyrst

Kate made the notorious trip to the Phyrst on her 21st birthday. An hour after midnight, her friend decided to play flip cup with her glasses. Needless to say, the glasses broke, and they were kicked out.

Scoob — Pmans

Scoob, from the Class of 2017, blacked out at Pmans, walked up to the food window, stole a burger, and sat back down to eat it. The manager gave him the option to pay for it without repercussions, or she’d call the police. Scoob claimed he did pay for it, so the manager stayed true to her word. Scoob told the cops he lost the receipt and that his phone died, so he couldn’t show them his credit card statement. When asked what he ordered, he just said “wings.”

“I tried running and took one step before slipping on ice and being tackled by two officers,” Scoob said. “That burger cost me $500.”

Michael — Champs

Michael played “Fireflies” by Owl City on the jukebox at Champs. The bouncers caught him going back for the fourth time, and dragged him out “kicking and screaming.”

“SMH. No appreciation for the classics,” Michael said.

Katie — The Gaff

According to the bouncer, Katie dropped it too low and never came back up on the Gaff’s dance floor.

“Killer moves…or killer Adios Motherfucker liquor pitchers?” Katie wonders.

Andrew — Cafe

Twenty years ago, Andrew was enjoying his beautiful Friday afternoon at Cafe 210 West. They had the perfect table out back, and by 2:30 p.m., it was time to order their first round of Long Islands. Andrew had to go up the stairs to the bathroom, and a server with a dozen pitchers began her descent down.

After seeing her and the treacherous path ahead, he turned sideways to try to shimmy up the stairs. Just after they crossed paths, the entire tray tipped and crashed all over the patrons and the ground below.

“Without hesitation, she immediately began hurling haymakers and choice language at me that would make Howard Stern blush,” Andrew said. “This obviously caused a huge scene. Not one person of the 200 people on the back patio missed this exchange.”

Recently, Andrew was talking to friends about this story that he didn’t know 20 years ago. They recited the story back to him perfectly, recounting the tray of teas and the innocent guy that it pummeled. Despite getting kicked out, Andrew says he still loves Cafe.

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About the Author

Colleen Nersten

Colleen is a senior biology major from York, Pa and is one of Onward State's associate editors. She overuses the ~tilde~ and aspires to be no other than the great Guy Fieri. You can find Colleen filling up her gas tank at Rutter’s, the ~superior~ Pennsylvania gas station. Please direct any questions or concerns to [email protected] For the hijinks, always.

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