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Your Best ‘Why I Got Kicked Out Of A State College Bar’ Stories: Part Two

Getting kicked out of a State College bar is a rite of passage for Penn State students. To truly put that into perspective, we recently asked you to share your best stories, new and old, detailing why a bouncer gave you the boot.

Last week’s compilation featured Penn State butt tattoos, a $500 burger, and a tray of Cafe teas that went crashing down. Luckily, this week’s installment is just as wild.

Check out a few of our favorite stories from students and alumni.

Shane — The Gaff

On graduation eve, Shane went out for some drinks with his friends and family. Next thing you know, he’s drunk, crying at the bar, and reminiscing on his memories in Happy Valley. The bouncer gave him the boot, and his dad proceeded to try and fight him.

Alyssa — The Phyrst

Naturally, Alyssa set out for the Phyrst on her 21st birthday. Despite not being drunk, her ankle gave out — likely due to her heels being too high. When the bouncer saw her birthday crown, she immediately got kicked out.

“I sat outside and cried but couldn’t get ahold of my friends,” Alyssa said. “Turns out, they were inside harassing the band to sing happy birthday to me.”

Paige — Kildare’s

Paige, from the Class of 2013, was drunkenly doing the sprinkler near the back bar. Next thing you know, she was asked to leave for “dancing too aggressively.” She asked if she could finish her drink, but the bouncer said “no.” So, she chugged it, dropped her glass, and danced out of the bar.

Shawn — Cafe 210 West

Despite not being in State College one weekend, Shawn got kicked out and banned from Cafe.

Shawn’s twin brother was frequently thrown out for being too drunk during happy hour and getting mouthy with the bouncers. He ended up getting banned and started saying he was Shawn to get in.

“Again, he was thrown out, and the bouncer told him that he was banned, and so was his brother,” Shawn said. “My roommates drew straws for the privilege of being the one to tell me I was banned.”

Shawn couldn’t get back into Cafe for another year after he graduated.

Patrick — The Phyrst

Patrick, another wide-eyed 21-year-old, made his way to The Phyrst with his posse to take home the prized ~Twenty-Phyrst Green Hat.~ After ordering a beer, Patrick’s Monkeyboys from earlier made a comeback.

“With nowhere to go, my drunk instincts grabbed the green hat on my head and a convenient, makeshift vomit disposal was born!” Patrick said.

Two women turned him in, and the bouncer gave him the stern, “You gotta go!”

“The hat was left under the table, bottom-up, filled with the physical evidence of a 21st birthday done right (and to also serve as a gentle reminder to watch where you step in The Phyrst),” he said.

Julian — Champs

Julian, a current student, had a bouncer approach him and ask him who the president of the United States was. He hesitated for a few seconds and was told to leave.

Thanks, Biden.

Erin — The Gaff

“Have you ever been kicked out of a bar before you even got in? Well, I have,” Erin said.

It was a Saturday in October 2015, and Erin was waiting in line for the Gaff for over an hour. Once she reached the top of the stairs, the bouncer told her she was swaying too much in line and was too drunk to come in. She was dead sober and furious.

Alyssa — Pickle’s

Alyssa, an alum from the Class of 2011, was drunk outside smoking a cigarette. She tried getting her friend’s attention and slammed the window with her hands. Well, turns out her hands went through the window. Pickle’s cleared the entire bar out, and Alyssa was not allowed back in until she paid for the window. Either way, Alyssa says she still considers it the best bar on Earth.

Von — Champs

Von *claims* this wasn’t him — just some guy he saw at Champs. The mystery man stole tampons out of a girl’s purse and started eating them.

“Wild shit,” Von said.

Corey — The Phryst

Back in the day (read: before 2009), the Phyrst used to have a cowbell chained to the bar and a stick. Corey played it — hard and often. A bouncer came up to him and told him not to play it again.

“I immediately picked up the cowbell and played it in his face,” Corey said. “Too much cowbell.”

Seymour — The Gaff

“Shirts vs. Skins foosball.”

‘Nuff said.

August — Champs

How many people can say the Queen of the North, Sophie Turner, indirectly caused them to get kicked out of a bar?

August says she received several free drinks from the Jonas Brothers and their significant others. She was feeling good! Her boyfriend, also ~feeling good~, started playfully dancing on her, which security did not find funny. Security pulled her boyfriend away and kicked them out.

“This was after the JoBros left, and we went to Yallah afterward, so it was still a great night,” August said. “I still blame Sophie’s heavy-hand pour on my boyfriend’s behavior.”

John — The Gaff

John was sitting at the corner of the bar when he noticed Matt McGloin sitting there. He told his friend about his discovery, which the bartender misheard.

“What? Are you talking shit on our quarterback?” the bartender said.

John had no time to answer. He thought he was smack-talking McGloin, so they kicked him out.

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About the Author

Colleen Nersten

Colleen is a senior biology major from York, Pa, and is one of Onward State's associate editors. She overuses the ~tilde~ and aspires to be no other than the great Guy Fieri. You can find Colleen filling up her gas tank at Rutter’s, the ~superior~ Pennsylvania gas station. Please direct any questions or concerns to [email protected] For the hijinks, always.

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