10 Questions With Buzz The Penn State Gorilla
If you’ve ventured out recently, you may have spotted a large gorilla running around campus and downtown. The gorilla, who goes by “Buzz,” seems to be popping up everywhere.
Naturally, we tracked down the quirky primate to hear his story. Luckily, Buzz is pretty active on Instagram, so we got down to monkey business and asked him a few questions.
Buzz’s thumbs are too big to type (and he speaks only gorilla), so Buzz’s personal handler was kind enough to translate the interview for us.
Onward State: Before we get started, what are your preferred pronouns?
Buzz: DhshGC hOnBvGh slaps hens sojsbehwiaoa soaked sus S S F j
Translation: Buzz thinks he’s a guy, but he doesn’t have the resources to prove that.
Onward State: Cool. What’s your favorite part about being a gorilla?
Buzz: hjJ Bjb b Dkdinashvs J nah hb! Disk
Translation: Buzz said he loves running around and seeing all the college people and their reactions to him. One time, a girl screamed and ran away. He was pretty sad about that.
Onward State: Using the chart, what is the optimal banana would you choose to eat?
Buzz: HuisosidhdbehJfbsb is oaken Jzisksksndbd mnc
Translation: Buzz actually hates bananas and will gag at the sight of them.
Onward State: Interesting. So, how’d you end up at Penn State?
Buzz: DososjsbJknd is hahabvdhshsjs sjsudhs ushers
Translation: Buzz was shipped to State College in a box from Detroit around October 2021.
Onward State: We saw you were at THON. How was that experience?
Buzz: Susiusdh I’d share jfhdbd b fjdjidis jsbNjg hBb Hd didhave
Translation: Buzz still doesn’t really know how he was able to get in. Regardless, he really enjoyed it. He took lots of pictures with the students and kids, and he had a blast running around.
Onward State: What are your thoughts on the Nittany Lion? Are you rivals or besties?
Buzz: hB djshdbsbd d Djsjdbsb
Translation: Buzz has yet to meet the Nittany Lion, but he would love to show him up in a one-armed pushup contest.
Onward State: What does a typical day look like for you?
Buzz: Djdisidj DjsisidjhBjsoapdkbfoPnBjOjdvsj
Translation: Buzz wakes up at the break of dawn to go to work. He will drink over a gallon of milk a day. When he gets home, he works out to maintain his chiseled body. He likes to end the night with his favorite meal: burgers. Then, he’ll light some candles and read before bed.
Onward State: We hear you like to go out. Which State College bar is your favorite?
Buzz: Didisjbdjfkf isoajd offendifidbdb
Translation: Buzz has been to only Stage West, but he really enjoyed it. He hopes to go to the other bars downtown, too.
Onward State: What’s your go-to drink?
Buzz: hjJ Bjb b Dkdinashvs J nah hb
Translation: Buzz pretty much only drinks milk.
Onward State: Per Onward State tradition, if you could be any dinosaur, what would you be and why?
Buzz: sjsbJknd is hahabvdhdinashvsbvdhd
Translation: Buzz doesn’t know what dinosaurs are, but when we showed him a bunch of pictures he said he liked the micropachycephalosaurus because it had a “funny head.”
After the interview, Buzz was pretty tired, so he lied down on Old Main Lawn to take a nap. Goodnight, Buzz!
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