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The Best State College Wi-Fi Network Names: 2022 Edition

A new school year is here, which means students are finishing up the final touches as they move into their new apartments and houses. During this time, students get the luxury of naming their Wi-Fi networks.

Penn State students are creative, to say the least. So, we took a stroll through downtown State College and compiled some of our favorite Penn State Wi-Fi names below.

Four Locos

To start, we have a nice play on words for the four guys or gals that probably live here. They’re either crazy fun, or they’re reminiscing on their freshman drink of choice — a succulent Blue Razz Four Loko.

2 girls 1 router

No comment.

Buckeyes Fan

It’s almost like you’re asking to get robbed, dude. If you love the Buckeyes so much, you should transfer! You’re in Nittany Nation, baby.

However, if you just really love the peanut butter fudge delicacy, we’ll let it slide.

Gustavo Fring

It appears Breaking Bad’s antagonist, “The Chicken Man,” has moved to downtown State College. This Wi-Fi name is kind of sus, and we sure hope you’re not selling meth in your apartment.

Drop It Like Its Hotspot

“Snooooooooop!”

“When the pimp’s in the crib ma…”

Jacob’s Lair

We’d be pretty freaked out if we went to this guy’s house and saw his network name. It sounds pure evil. Jacob is either a Leo or a witch. Or both.

GET VIRUS HERE

It’s never too early for cuffing season! It’s unclear if this apartment is talking monkeypox or COVID-19, but they probably just want to kiss you.

House Slytherpuff

For all the Harry Potter fans out there, it sounds like this house is a hybrid somewhere between Draco Malfoy and Cedric Diggory. We’re not quite sure what to think of that.

Tequila

Are we talking Don Julio, 818, or Jose Cuervo? Your tequila of choice says a lot about you.

Either way, “Tequila” is a great song by The Champs.

dallas sucks

I guess not everyone is a Micah Parsons fan. But hey…go birds.

LiftZone

These guys lift, bro.

The Chad Pad

LiftZone walked so The Chad Pad could run. With a name like Chad, you’re already one step ahead. I mean, imagine if your name was Walter. The best you could do is “Walter’s Wi-Fi.” The Chad Pad is just so classy.

TheJawn

You can take a jawn out of Philly, but you can’t take the Philly out of a jawn. We bet they like Wawa, too.

chancetherouter

Clever. We hope the connection is as strong as Chance’s first three solo projects…and not his fourth.

Rebellious Amish man

Rare W for Lancaster County.

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About the Author

Zach Donaldson

Zach is a junior majoring in broadcast journalism. He is a writer for Onward State and serves as an editor for Penn State’s CommRadio. He hails from Downingtown, Pa., or in other words "just outside of Philly." When he's not watching or ranting about Philly sports, you can probably find him at the gym. If you like sports tweets, follow him on Twitter @zachdonaldson_ and all inquiries can go to [email protected].

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