Same time next week?

That was the playful question tossed around after a handful of our staffers ventured over to Medlar Field at Lubrano Park to take on Penn State baseball’s dollar dog per inning challenge last Tuesday. Little did we know that we would indeed be back at the same time the next week.

When Onward State was challenged by the State College Spikes’ Director of Communications Joe Putnam via Twitter to take on a second round of Dollar Dog Night during the Nittany Lions’ matchup against Pitt, there was no backing down.

We would never back down from a challenge.

See you there https://t.co/KSlAzcYUK7

— Onward State (@OnwardState) March 28, 2023

So, our staffers returned to Dollar Dog Night once again to run the dog per inning gauntlet for a second time, emerging with a better record and many lessons learned.

So, without further ado, here are nine lessons for the nine innings learned during Dollar Dog Night.

1. No One Ever Needs To Eat Nine Hot Dogs. Ever. Not Even Four

Dear God.

This one should go without saying, but alas, here we are. Unhealthiness aside, consuming nine hot dogs is simply madness. If you did not have Irritable Bowel Syndrome before eating nine hot dogs, you will have it after.

I personally only consumed four but still haven’t shed the wiener weight from last week’s endeavor. You are not Joey Chestnut. Put the hot dog down.

2. The Quicker You Eat, The Higher Your Success Rate

But, you’ll still feel like shit.

Our staffers discovered that the longer the break you take in between glizzies, the worse you’ll start to feel and the harder it will be to get back on the glizzy-gobbling grind. Many found success by throwing back four wieners straight out of the gate, taking a brief break, picking up with another four, and then a final break before downing the last dog.

3. Don’t Let Your Dogs Get Cold

Hell hath no fury like a glizzy gone cold.

We learned the hard way that consuming a cold hot dog was perhaps one of the most disgusting things we’ve all done in our college careers. There were many gagging fits, many near-puking disasters, and one spit-up dog.

For about one inning, glizzies were incubated in aluminum foil, but the glizzy laborers couldn’t keep up with the demand. Eat ’em quick.

Heed this warning.

4. A Drink Is Absolutely Necessary

If you don’t wash your dogs down with some sort of drink, stay away from us.

The buns are dry, the taste lingers, and you need to cleanse your palette. Whether it’s water or soda, have a beverage at the ready. Your body will thank you when you have meat sweats.

In case you were wondering, you can in fact bring your own condiments, too. This is a problem security wasn’t quite ready to face this Dollar Dog Night. Bring your squirty bottle, if you dare.

5. Bring A Partner

During Onward State’s first visit to Dollar Dog Night, our staffers were hit with a brutal glizzy ration that limited everyone to two dogs per visit to the concession stand. The second go-round this limit had, thankfully, increased to four dogs per visit.

Regardless, the lines get long, and thus, efficiency is key. Getting stuck waiting in line is a surefire way to fall behind on your dog-downing pace. The solution? Bring a partner, or Tinder date, who’s willing to sacrifice their permitted glizzies to support your cause.

That’s true love. Or friendship. Whatever works.

6. The Jump From The Seventh To Eighth Dog Is What Defines Champions

Getting through the first four glizzies isn’t that difficult. You’ll start to hit a wall around five and six, but it’s getting down through the seventh dog that will make or break you.

By this point, all the previous dogs are just sitting in your stomach. You’re feverish, the nausea is setting in alongside the dog delirium and meat sweats. If you can get through the seventh, you’re home free.

7. Mullets Are Back, Baby!

You know what they say… “Business in the front, party in the back.”

There were mullets o’plenty present at Medlar Field at Lubrano Park, no thanks to nearly half the baseball team sporting the funky ‘do. The mullet has been creeping its way back into popularity over the past couple of years, and I, for one, am not complaining.

8. Baseball Is Kind Of Fun

Who knew?

Equipped with walk-out songs, heckling, a pretty awesome view of Mount Nittany, and of course, one-dollar hot dogs, an evening at the ballpark has proved to be a lot of fun.

9. Never Say No To A Challenge

Maybe sit this one out, though.

We here at Onward State are a stubborn bunch of idiots. All we needed was one single challenge tweeted at us before sending in the cavalry to put our bodies through a disgusting amount of processed meat. Despite that, it was a good time filled with friends and good laughs.

Perhaps the next time you find yourself faced with an opportunity you would normally stray away from, say yes. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be the next dollar dog per inning challenge champion.