Pepsi Tyranny Ends: Penn State Signs 10-Year Contract With RC Cola
Penn Staters, rejoice! The 31-year Pepsi reign of terror will be over soon.
Georgia-based RC Cola will be the go-to soda for Nittany Lions for the next decade, a Penn State spokesperson confirmed.
RC Cola, a competitor of Coca-Cola and Pepsi products, will be available in all on-campus dining halls, markets, and vendors, including Penn State Athletics areas like Beaver Stadium, the Bryce Jordan Center, and Pegula Ice Arena. The transition from Pepsi to RC Cola stock will begin next May.
Onward State learned in February that Penn State was weighing all of its options regarding a new soft drink deal, and following the end of the Pepsi contract, President Neeli Bendapudi seemed more than eager for a change.
“That Pepsi shit was rank,” Bendapudi said. “Who in their right mind would drink a Sierra Mist on purpose?”
A dark horse contender, RC Cola outbid Coca-Cola and PepsiCo for the 10-year Penn State residency and shocked the administration with an offer it couldn’t refuse.
In what will likely turn out to be a more than a reciprocal relationship between RC Cola and Penn State, the soda company plans to funnel money into NIL collective Success With Honor. In an attempt to reestablish its national influence, RC Cola will sign NIL deals with several Penn State athletes to spread its mission through social media advertising.
“We’re so excited for the collaboration between Penn State, Success With Honor, and RC Cola to not only bring America’s best soda to Happy Valley but also give our student-athletes the chance to market it,” Vice President for Intercollegiate Athletics Pat Kraft said. “I can’t wait to see Beau Pribula and Makenna Marisa driving around campus in their RC Cola Teslas!”
The transition from Pepsi products to RC Cola products will begin in May 2024, but NIL deals could be signed as early as next month.
Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.
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Inspired by a truly awful cut three years ago, Shaun Flaherty started cutting hair to fix some questionable cuts from the barbers in upstate New York.
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Penn State fell to under .500 for the first time this season.