Anyone need a place to live?

The search for housing is as difficult and expensive as ever. Sometimes it feels like you can’t find a good option anywhere, so we thought, how easy would it be to live on campus secretly?

For legal reasons, this is definitely a joke… but we think it’s totally feasible. Just to reiterate it one more time, Onward State does not condone the illegal use of university property for sleeping purposes. This article is purely hypothetical.

With that being said, here’s a rundown of some of the places where it would be easiest to discreetly live on campus.

The HUB

The HUB would arguably be the easiest spot to live if you don’t account for the level of discreetness. There are lockers where you can store your belongings, plenty of food options open for a large chunk of the day, and some excellent sleeping options.

Additionally, the HUB is open 24 hours a day, which means you can come and go as you please without fear of getting locked out of your hidden abode. It’s also just a short walk away from the White Building, where showers await to keep you clean.

The biggest and arguably only issue with living at the HUB is keeping it a secret. Thousands of students and faculty pass through the HUB every day and would likely notice if someone was sleeping there. The spaces are wide open, so it’d be difficult to hide.

Findlay Commons Recreation Room

To the best of my knowledge, Findlay Commons in East Halls is also open 24 hours a day, which is a huge plus. It also gives you plenty of access to food options for all three meals in a day, and a short walk to the IM Building to shower.

So why specifically the Recreation Room? For one, there’s a great spot to lay down and sleep, as the couch in there is fairly comfortable. Additionally, the Recreation Room has a TV and pool tables to keep you entertained during your downtime.

You’re also just up the stairs from the computer room, a great spot to do homework. I think you’re less likely to get caught here than the HUB, but it’s still pretty exposed.

The Library

Living in the library isn’t glamorous. Trust us, we know. However, it’s not the worst option at all. There’s a Starbucks conveniently located on the ground floor, giving you an option for food that’s easily accessible. It’s right in the heart of campus and there are plenty of good spots to do work.

The library’s biggest asset is the stacks. The stacks are an unparalleled maze that you could easily get lost in for days. That means that you could probably live in the stacks, undetected, for quite some time. You would just have to be sneaky about it. And watch out for ghosts, of course.

Business Building

The Business Building made this list for two main reasons: access to food and places to sleep. With Saxby’s in the main atrium, you wouldn’t starve, and there are plenty of couches to catch some Zs on.

It’s also a huge building with plenty of other places you could try to hide for your sleep. You’d have to walk a little bit to the IM Building for a shower, but you may be able to go undetected for a little while here. Plus, you can conveniently go for some outdoor time at the Arboretum.

Old Main Lawn

Just like the library, this is familiar territory for Onward State. While we remind you that this is not allowed, we also know it can be done. Pitching a tent takes a more “do-it-yourself” approach to this challenge, but that comes with some added flexibility.

You’d have access to downtown and the HUB for food and you’d be conveniently located in the center of campus. This is certainly one of the least glamorous options, but at least you could easily stake your own territory, no pun intended.