It’s no secret that scooter supremacy is taking over campus. Many students spend their days living in fear while watching their peers fall victim to a glorified razor scooter. 

For the folks who keep their head on a swivel while walking to class, we brainstormed some alternative transportation options for the scooter scoundrels. 

Tricycle

Anyone who ever had a tricycle as a kid (or adult), knows how awesome these things are. These three-wheel squealers let people know you mean business or that you’re learning how to ride a bike. Peddling on these things can teach you more determination than a pregame James Franklin speech. If the people practice hard enough, they might be able to pop a double wheelie on these bad boys.

Heelies

If you had these as a kid, you knocked the transportation industry off its feet. These could definitely be reimagined to fit the Penn State aesthetic. Imagine the Nittany Lion or Drew Allar’s face on a pair of racing rollers. Oh, how a Penn Stater can dream. Just be careful, though, the State College weather can create some treacherous travel conditions. 

Pogo Stick

This stick and a spring would be a Penn State hoops favorite. The extra few inches of height would make the stats go crazy. Plus, the constant jumping to class can help the players improve their vertical. With these, everyone will be dunking like Nick Kern Jr. before we know it. 

Another Person

While some may think this isn’t practical, it’s probably one of the best options. If you’re walking to class with someone, why not take turns giving each other piggyback rides?

If it’s not your style to feel the warm embrace of a trusted companion, you always have the option to put them on your shoulders, fireman carry them, or drag them behind you! 

Unicycle

A unicycle isn’t for everyone, but it still has its perks. Unlike a bike, you don’t have to hold on to handlebars which allows you to wave to tour groups and put extra emphasis on your “We Are!” chant. 

RV

An RV could do it all for Penn Staters. For starters, need a place to nap between CAS 100 and your lecture in Thomas 100? Problem solved. An RV also provides an optimal tailgating spot that is easily transportable. Plus, you have the opportunity to pimp them out any way you want. This is your chance to show your style.

Walking

It’s OK to walk sometimes.