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Penn State To Ban All THON Cut-Off Shirts In Campus Gyms

After a rise in frat bros turning their THON 2024 Pep Rally shirts into cut-offs for the gym, Penn State announced it will ban THON cut-offs in hopes of encouraging students to dress more modestly beginning Monday, April 1.

In the weeks after a successful THON 2024, it has become apparent how frat bros and gym goers alike planned to use their free THON Pep Rally merchandise once the weekend officially ended. Using just a pair of scissors and a large ego, students have “cut off” the sleeves and sides of their THON shirts, exposing their arms, shoulders, and chests.

Penn State President Neeli Bendapudi noticed this alarming trend during her frequent trips to the gym, concerned that student modesty on campus was becoming laughable.

“Students’ attempts to show extra skin and muscle in the gym is nothing but a sad attempt to show off,” Bendapudi said in a Sunday press conference on the matter. “Back in my day, everyone wore long pants and modest shirts to the gym, and no one seemed to have a problem with it… These are the types of ideals I strive to instill back into Penn State.”

Bendapudi plans to make the change permanent as part of a larger “gym dress code” that will be put in place at the beginning of the fall 2024 semester.

“You can bet that the ban on THON cut-off shirts will be No. 1 on that list,” Bendapudi said.

Editor’s note: This story is part of Onward State’s April Fools’ Day series. It is satirical, meant for entertainment, and not to be taken literally. Any quotes were made up for the purpose of this post.

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About the Author

Brendan Wagner

Brendan is a Junior majoring in print and media journalism. Born in Pittsburgh, he now lives in Mooresville, North Carolina. As a die-hard Pittsburgh sports fan, you can find him on Twitter, @brchwags, often complaining about the Pittsburgh Steelers and probably Russell Wilson.

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